um so i had an epiphany on. recently. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

er that is I had an epiphany recently. I came to a realisssation. it was something i'd realized before but not this fully.

so as sweet as I come off. i'm not a nice lady sometimes. but only like. 2 people have experienced this in the past.........uhm...........2 yrs. evan and my ex. yeah so as of late. I haven't been v. nice to evan. I sent him this long text about............ well it came off as I was telling him he didn't mean anything. which he brought up when he called me after having read it.

the thing is. and this is where my epiphany comes in. that I did that bc. i'm working through what happened at my last house. or. rather. what didn't happen. the lady made me feel like I was nothing. sure evan and I've had issues since. well feb. really but nothing this big. and I think it's bc of. like I said the events. it's a helluva way to work through something. and until I work through it and it's not as present. this'll happen again. it hasn't even been a yr. yet much less half of one. it's like i'm not giving it or myself time. [which well i'm not]. and he's not even that angry w/ me about it. he's hurt but he's not angry. and in a way I wish he was so that I wouldn't feel like I was. 'getting away w/ it', as it were. like obviously it's not right to do what I did. he's almost too nice to me sometimes. [and once again. i've found a guy just like my dad]. honestly yeah I wish he were hard[er] on me. [but then I wouldn't like that either]. of course knowing me i'll bring this up hoping he will change and hoping it'll be soon bc well. again I don't want to wait. I don't want to talk to someone unless they'll change and change soon. [but then I also don't want to cause it means after we have things are boring].

and when he mentioned it. that's when it hit me. I don't like that I've hurt him this much. w/ most people I honestly wouldn't care. w/ my sister I don't. [I mean we get on and everything we're just not close]. and I want him to tell him I've hurt him. like 'yeah that's not right. it hurt'. to bring me into things. instead of acting like I don't exist. [yes I know like I should talk]. he's not good at communicating. cause you know. i'm right here. no it doesn't hurt me it's just annoying.

Last updated August 09, 2014