Ok plan B just panic in A new beginnging.

This dating stuff is starting to drag me down. It is leading my mind to wander to places that it shouldn't. To make me miss people I shouldn't. To make me think of places I shouldn't. Basically my mind is doing whatever it can to NOT focus on dating. Gee, why might this be? Maybe it has to do with my now less than poor outlook on it. Seriously, who are these people? Monday I thought I had a great date planned for Tuesday, and as soon as I gave him my number, the texts went to funny to freaking weird. Mark needed proof of this to know that it "wasn't just me" and he sided with me still, so it's not me, it's you. ha.

I had a date with this kid, Eric, that I have been messaging for a week or 2. It was set for 5:30 today and I rescheduled. Why? Because I could not muster up enough excitement to get to to go. I NEED TO STOP THIS. I don't think it has anything to do with not being excited at this point. Now I am pretty sure it is just anxiety about him trying to murder me. In all seriousness, it IS really anxiety, but I think more so of it just being another waste of time. But how am I to find someone if I don't want to invest time into anything? Exactly. Welcome to my inner battle the last 3 weeks.

So my date with Eric (it is still weird to type that even after like 7 years) is now Monday, that is if his interest can hold til then, and I WILL NOT cancel or move it. I just need to be carefree about this and suck if the F up. Sorry little lady, some guy isn't just going to stop you on a run and just be awesome.

It's times like this where I crave a normal schedule. Where I crave to go out with friends and just have a tiny nit of am opportunity to meet someone by chance rather than this internet trash site where by some CRAZY chance something got tossed in that shouldn't have. Hopefully I fall into that category. You know why this is so frustrating? Because I AM SO READY! What is that saying? Something along the lines it comes when you least except it? (THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!) But, but I have been "not expecting" it for awhile now, which led me to GO on this miserable online site AGAIN. What? Timing is everything? Fuck that. Wow, that felt really good. It almost feels like I am 17, back ranting in OD. The good old days :)

Let's move on, shall we? My sister and her husband are going to Maui next year. This is the part where after shock faded, I realized I am just going to start saving and go. I'll have them, so it won't be so bad.

I am in a mood. (clearly) This whole cop shooting thing is just stirring things up. Seeing that smiling face in uniform just floods images of my dad into my head, so much so that I need to close my eyes and count to 5 until I can breathe again.

I need to go to bed. Hopefully my attitude tomorrow wont be so teenage angst.