I had that w/ Pat. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

  • Aug. 3, 2014, 3:46 a.m.
  • |
  • Public

So, the past......10 yrs. [well almost. i'll be 27 this month. and also. fuk has it been 10 yrs. already?] I haven't had a good relationship w/ my dad. I mean we get on and everything but we're not close I won't let him in.

So all my life I've always wanted an older sibling. since I always was the older sibling and still am. It always felt, unbalanced not having one. My best friend Pat who died almost a yr. and a half ago, was like a brother to me. He wasn't always a good influence [after all he was an alcoholic. evidently. actually my ex drank a lot too. i don't know if he was an alcoholic or not he didn't seem like one..... every time we were at his place we did shots. ok so that's interesting] but he was a strong influence. whereas. I don't feel my dad's been. Pat was, among other things. ya know that older sibling for me. I feel like he thought of me as his younger sister. [his actual sister was 33 now she's.....35? I think]. I felt safe around Pat. as I vaguely recall. un,like my dad. We drank together but he never like. took advantage of me or led me astray or anything. [other than, the obvious us drinking together. but I think if he wanted to and I didn't he would've been cool w/ it].

and then he. you know. died. so that's another thing I lost.

I feel that way around Shawn Jessica [she's my mentor]'s boyfriend. safe I mean. and she knows that. She and I are close. it's, again. how I feel around evan too. he's just darling. he's v. sweet. and loving. yeah he's pretty big on physicality which is. awesome cause so'm i.


Loading comments...

You must be logged in to comment. Please sign in or join Prosebox to leave a comment.