so. we're not in love. but i want to be. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

Ya know. We're [evan and i i mean that 'we'] not in love. I mean yes we do love each other.......in the way you love a very good friend. and we're always telling each other 'I love you'. [actually I got that from Pat. that was the last thing we said to each other, actually]. he's the only one I say that too. I don't say that to my parents. or my sister. or my relatives. Like I'll acknowledge they've said it.

But. I want to be. cause I miss having that. that whole us.thing. I asked him out over the summer via phone. and he said yes. I was so happy. I've never asked anyone out before. and I didn't get asked out a lot myself.

Also. if we start a relationship and I end up breaking his heart I......I don't want that. I. no I care about him way too much to do that.

but ya know. maybe that won't happen. no see that's why I don't like optimists is I don't feel like they're realistic enough.

A part of me's like oh thank god we're not in love. or. oh thank god it's not unrequited.