Gardening,Harp Twins, schizophrenia destroyed home,daughters tears in Just Life

Yesterday We planted my seeds and put them in the greenhouse. My husband prepared the garden bed. I found a random flower pot from last year and tossed some microgreens in it. They are supposed to be grown enough to eat in 5 days. I guess we will see. I hope my garden grows well this year.

I really wanted to see Harp Twins in concert. I looked around the house and found enough change for ticket to get in. I tried to enjoy myself but after after 3 songs my nerves got the best of me and l left to wonder around the rest of the Causeacon. I wish I invited my friend Tella to hang out. I felt lonely and left.

After I dropped my husband off at work I went to my mom’s to try to clean her house some. After a bad schizophrenia episode she destroyed her entire house. I have been cleaning up on it by myself for over a year in my spare time. Mom no longer lives in it. She lives at my house. Someday I hope to have her house clean enough for all of us to live there again.

During cleaning the house I saw a notebook of jokes my dad wrote down. I started reading his jokes and tears ran down my face. My dad died in 2018. All I have left is his memory and the few things he left behind. I miss him. I guess he is in heaven caring for the child I miscarried in March. I wish so much dad could have the opportunity to have grandkids.

Before I try for a child again I plan to clean up my mom’s property. I plan to fix her house up and I plan to organize the garage. I promised dad his tools wouldn’t rust that they will be used. While cleaning mom’s house I found rusty tools. I cried apologizing to daddy. I gained my composure because I know I can use his grinder to clean up the tools. This isn’t an overnight effort. Recovering will take time but I plan to make the home and the garage good again.

I am at work. I got to go do my job. Will write later.