Ya know. if he wasn't such a nice guy. but damnit. he is. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

right so as put.

Ya know. if he wasn't such a nice guy..........then I wouldn't feel so er I mean. [I put 'so towards' and then deleted it. like wait. that doesn't make sense. um]. I mean. then I wouldn't feel so compassionate towards* him. i'd just be angry. which well I am. even though I know why and I didn't like. do anything to push him away [I don't think] I still. feel like I did. in the words of the beatles 'I, must've done something wrong now I long for yesterday'. erm. i'm angry bc I feel like he left me rather abruptly. well I mean he did leave me. but again it's not. bc I pushed him away. not like we got into this big fight and he got angry and was like 'you don't want to do this? fine we're done here'. no that's my dept. I've found that if a friend won't make a decision i'll make it for them. just cause I get so tired of waiting and then i'm frustrated as hell.

and it's not like he left me abruptly I mean we both knew. we'd talked about it. going back to that.

he's v. sweet. if he was a jerk then i'd be like 'well you're a jerk anyway so'. but he appeals to my sense of compassion and so then i'm like 'awww I want to help'. cause I want him to be ok. cause then well i'd be ok. [yes I know i'm selfish]. and then he'd take care of me. more. hopefully.

yeah but the thing is. this is him being ok. I hope.