so even though we didn't break up. cause well. we're not together........it feels like we did. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

omygod.

yeah so here's the Evan news. well like I put we didn't break up since well we're not together. but it feels like we did. we're, taking a break. he's gotta get back on his feet [he has for the past 6 months], so.

but damnit. it feels like we broke up. heartbreak doesn't always pertain to relationships. er I mean it doesn't only pertain to. yeah. according to Wikipedia. we were just starting to get together again. I don't exactly know what's going on w/ him other than he doesn't have a job which obviously means he doesn't have money, for rent or otherwise. he's stuck in the past and has been thinking a lot about the past yr. and what he should've done differently even though he didn't know well neither of us did. and he's so stuck in his emotions right now in everything that's going on that it's hard for him to get out.

it hurts. even though I knew it was coming it still hurts. before when he just ghosted out on me for 2.5 months I didn't have any sort of fukin warning. and it wouldn't hurt this much if I didn't care this much about him. but I do and he knows that.

as much as I want to help him. really I've done all I can. I've said most of what I've needed and wanted to say. and really unless I want everyone involved [which for practical reasons I really really don't] there's. not a whole lot I can do. which is what I was trying to get across in my entry about um. 'nothing I can do it's a total eclipse of the heart'.

yeah so it hurts. and i'm sad. and I just really. want frosting I've wanted it for a long time actually.