sept. 12, 2012 in The Wonderland Years: 2012: 1/2 done

'The entry about my weekend's comin up next. And I'm sure you'll enjoy that one much more.

But first. I needwant to get this out of the way. well, alrite. i don't want to but i should.

So earlyass Thurs. mornin we're all smokin and chillin at their place after bein at the bar. er. his bar, rather. we'd all had a lot to drink. He and i had 6..........not sure how much Max and jasmine had. We'd had a bit of pot...............so anyways. And I was starting to have a moment. you know, ptsd. upset and cryin and all that. they noticed but i was too upset to really tell them. So they went outside for a smoke break. cigs that is.

and thank god they did. cause really that's prolly the best thing to do in that situation. or one of them.

After a few I was like 'i need someone' and James is like 'holdon'. alrite. So then Jasmine came in.............and I go 'you know i have ptsd right?' just to confirm 'uh huh'. And from there i told her i was having a ptsd moment.

and that's...........when things go downhill.

So she's like 'have you ever thought about therapy?' and I tell her I'm not ready for it. which is kindof true. [well that and. my reputation in regards to my parents is so big and so important to me that it won't change. that i won't go. like i've stated i'm not entirely seperate from them even though we don't live together. but i don't tell people that bc i don't want their opinion on the matter].

No but................it's like..........just...........no. nonono. You don't...............no. There aren't, and this is a fairly new discovery to me, that many things I consider rude. OT/Tangent: actually i try to be polite around others as that's how i was brought up. not bc i consider certain things rude. it's more out of habit than anything really. - ok Tangent End. But that one I do. And it's not a personal thing against jasmine, really. no since people have told me that over the yrs. and it's always bothered me. Ok a few things: A: then wtf am i talking to you for? no i mean really. you're just blowing me off. I know that's not how they meant it but that's how i'm taking it. I would never tell someone that bc i do consider it rude. so rude. um.................the closest ill come is 'idk what to say here........' or 'i feel like i should say something'. and i'm always hoping that ill ask them what they want me to do about it.

i've not brought it up w/ james cause he's said the same exact thing and it's really gotten to me.

Oh and............