nov, 14, 2012. * in The Wonderland Years: 2012: 1/2 done

'how we can go on loving the people we love even when they've somehow wronged us. or even being friends w/ them.

I love him. ya know? i still love him. and it's not like it's a constant thing of 'oh well he said this and i'm still w/ him'. bc no. it's not. but a few months ago he scared me by putting his hands on my neck. and now this.

he's effed up and he knows he has and he keeps pushing it asking and i keep telling him no stop pushing it.

hey i've wronged him too not gonna say i haven't. but how does that equate to someone saying 'ok i'm gonna r*pe you bc you did this anf next time you do'. no. nonono. that's just not right. and a part of me thinks i can change him. that's one reason people who hav been constantly abused stay w/ that person. i'm not saying i like it.

but, ya know. we all think we can change people. so it's not that much of a stretch.

i also think some time apart would be good for us. and he was going to leave Mon. but then i got sick, so.

i have a plan. i hope to god it never comes to that. but i have one. and maybe this needed to happen so i could have one. but i also shouldn't have to feel all on gaurd all the time around him either. that's how my mom and i are. we've been that way for yrs. and that's sad.