march 3, 2013. in The Wonderland Years: 2013

'grandfather meant.

I've known this for years just never mentioned it. Apparently before my mom's dad married my grandmother in June 1961.  he was married to another woman, Shirley for about 4 months. A lot of people who marry are together for a long time - my parents are approaching their 30th, in about 5 years but they've known each other since college - and a lot aren't. And that's fine.

According to what my mom told me when we were talking about my grandfather and Shirley, it was just an experiment marriage. er. experimental*, rather.

So I guess my grandfather told my grandmother - Bonnie, the woman who passed almost 2 summers ago [wow has it been that long? and yet. seems like only yesterday] - that she'd never be able to have all of him. And no I don't just mean sexually. Yeah, wow. I'm shocked too. I also commend his honesty and open-ness.

Here's my point: I finally understand what he means. About a year ago, when James and I first got together, I told him 'we have what my grandparents have'. We're that devoted. or, were.

He said he doesn't know what could happen in a few years. Which slightly scares me since I always want to know. what's going to happen. And I find myself the one who has all the answers. Well to be completely honest, I don't. I know I seem wise and thank you for that but. It's just that. I've had a lot of experience.

Back a few months ago he told me he wanted to go back to school. And although I was scared to admit it to him at the time because we were together I didn't know if I was willing to wait. for him to finish. uh, school that is lol. As I'm not a patient woman. I wasn't even before he came into my life. Now we're not engaged. and we don't have kids. and I'm not pregnant. and we don't have pets together. or any of that. I just feel like that would a huge inconvenience. And that I'm not ready for it.

If you are, then fine. If not, same thing. People know when they're ready. for. whatever.