june 8, 2013. ED. in The Wonderland Years: 2013

'Yeah so on May 3, a Friday I almost died. rather, I was dyinng. Evan was there. We got into an argument about sex or lack thereof which sent me spinning and triggered me and I 'went places' so I was already drunk off 3 cups of wine and hadn't eaten in 2 days and OD'd on Benadryl.

yeah. it was really fukin awful. I'd always been curious as to what that would be like and now I know. my god. I remember being very cold the coldest I've been in awhile and bleeding from my mouth and being sick. which looking back was probably good since that way I could get the stuff I'd ingested out of me. I was hella dizzy too.

We stayed at my place. Evidently I must've passed out at some point. the next morning he made me breakfast.

And then for like, a week after that I was so much more aware of everything. I was 'born again' in a sense. I wanted people to know stuff about me bc they should've. I wanted to take everything in everything was so new to me. and now not so much.

And then during like. the 2 weeks after I had 4 NDEs, which were much more pleasant and wonderful than actually dying. yeah btw OD-ing on that much fukin Benadryl is a horrible way to go. speaking from experience.

So during that time I started typing letters to my parents, sister and Evan telling them all what I really thought. Evan's the only one who knows about the letters [as/since I obviously trust him. like, a lot]. they're in my computer [which btw is password-protected bc I don't trust people. other than Evan I mean. um but that's another ballpark].

so that happened.