The Unholy Union in A New Chapter

My sister got married and I dreaded it the entire time.

Last summer my father told me that my sister was getting married. I just made a face.
I have never been very close to my sister (well my younger sister at least.) We clashed over a lot of things growing up and it would take too long to explain. But lets speak about her husband. This dude is a real piece of shit. Not abusive or anything like that, just a slime bag. The ultimate poster boy for capitalism. Complains about everything when we go to eat, won’t shut the fuck up about anything, acts like he is the center of the universe, makes a shit ton of money, etc.

Immediately when the wedding came up I had to discuss several things with my parents (who were working as agents almost considering that I don’t speak to my sister.) Some of the main concerns were the fact that my sister and her guy live a very different life. My sister is a surgery assistant and the guy has some Wallstreet-related company. They were going to get married internationally at a Four Seasons. The rooms at this particular location were around $1,600 a night. The wedding was four days long for some reason. I told them right off the bat I wasn’t going because I can’t afford it. Even if I could, I wouldn’t go.

My parents offered to pay which made me feel bad. Strike one.

I told them that my wife’s immigration papers are coming up and they might not be ready in time. My parents offered to pay our lawyer extra to push them out faster. Strike two. fuck.

The wedding took place over Super Bowl weekend. My company has a zero tolerance policy for time off during SB weekend. Financially, it is the most important part of the year, you’re only allowed off for a medical emergency or a family death. My dad asked me to quit and go work with him (to be fair, this is something we had been discussing for about a year.) Strike three.

We left the country for a few weeks to make the flight worth it. The first weeks leading up to the wedding were really good. We had a great time with the baby and did tons of stuff. We ironically saw my other sister (which is a half sister) and we had a great time. Driving home I looked at my wife and said “god..I wish I could see her more often. the contrast between her and my other sister.”

Two days before the wedding my wife and I had an argument. Then entire time we have been together we have had one argument. We never fight. My sister texted me and it went something pretty close to this:

Sis texting me and bro:

Sis: Do you want to speak with Mike’s (future husband) sister?

Me: Why? like sit next to her? is she going to feel lonely?

Sis: No, she is doing a speech I meant. Do you guys want to do a speech?

Bro: Sure, I can do that.

Me: I will leave it to him really. I’m not really prepared for a speech.

The reality is that my escape plan is something along the lines of “Escape from New York.” Get in and get out of the wedding as soon as possible. I wasn’t about to do a speech for a wedding that includes a man I spiritually cannot agree with. My wife thought I should do a speech. I said no, and it would be a disservice for my sister since the speech would be half-assed. She brings it up again while my parents were having dinner to put me on the spot.

Later on we had an argument about it. I told her that up to that point I had never felt her turn on me and that I was upset. She said that wasn’t her intention. I told her I had valid reasons for not wanting to do the speech and to please respect them. It went on for a bit but everything was fine the next day.

-Theme from “The Shining” plays- Day 1

We arrived at the hotel after a 4 hour drive through the tropical countryside.
I have been around some wealthy places before but this place was a pain in the ass.
We got some coconut water right off the bat and this ass hat with curly hair kept trying to hold my bag. We got to a room that was pretty nice but really not worth the price imho. The theme for the evening was “white night” (awful word choice there.) We had to dress in all white, some of us looked like Backstreet Boys, the others like we were about to be baptized. this wedding had over 100 guests, some came from different parts of the world and the majority of them were absolutely loaded.

This fucking hotel was huge. It has a small fleet of golf carts that drive people all over the place. Mom is riding with me and before we arrive to the “white night” party and we’re already noticing some cunt level attitude from some of the guests. They’re all pissed that they don’t have enough carts, they give the staff weird looks, they don’t speak English well enough, etc. My cart driver offered a couple a ride but they wanted their own cart. I wanted to yell “bitch they can’t have 100 carts, just ride with us.”

We get to the dinner and the baby is behaving really well (this has been a great concern for us so far.) The food was actually delicious and they had all types of stuff, ranging from lobster to rib eye, etc. At one point the baby was getting cranky and I went walking with him and caught a jazz band that was hired playing, they were really good.

We took photos, the speeches were given, etc. These two points will be very important later on.

Honestly I was planning to write all of this in one go but I’m not even done with day one and I’m already having heart palpitations remembering all this crap. I will probably be breaking this up into multiple entries.

Dante never wrote about the hell I would endure during the next few days.