"SILENTLY" in "RESTLESS: POETICALLY-SPEAKING"

I’ve never asked for any of this. I don’t want any disastrous bliss. Why...oh, why? Why does this have to make me want to cry?

Should I cover this up with a lie? Now I’m haunted by your steel blue eyes. They say I should let you know. Just tell you that I love you so.

But I don’t want these feelings to grow. Why does this have to be love? Reality’s been complicated enough. God knows I’m not always that tough.

I’m still haunted by your steel blue eyes. What would you do if this you realised? Would I scare you like obsessed stalkers do? Would you even feel the same way too?

I don’t know how to make of it. I hate how it’s eating me up, bit by bit. How do I get to look at you now, without wanting to cry? I have to keep reminding myself that I’m not going to die.

Now I still have the time to admire your steel blue eyes. Let the rest of these remaining days be blessed by your myterious smile. If only I could give you what you need, probably the world? Well, even when I’m just an ordinary girl.

I fear our chances are odd. That’s why I can’t promise you a lot. Bear in mind, when it’s time for you to walk out this door, there’s someone behind you who still wishes to see you more.

I’m not selfish enough to ask you to stay. Reality’s taught me to accept things that don’t go my way. All I ever want is for you to be happy, even if I have to set you free...

R.

(Jakarta, 27/7/2014 – 12:00 pm)