well this is new. actually no it's not just been awhile./yeah so i know i should probably be feeling something right now. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

yeah so as put. this is new. well actually it's not just been awhile since it happened.

I know I should probably be feeling. uh emotions [I was almost going to put 'feelings' and be all redundant] right now but i'm just not. other than, how I've been feeling about what happened last night. which isn't v. good. like I know they're there and I know usually i'd be feeling like. angry or sad or w/e about things. I just I mean I don't connect to them right now. w/, them. no i'm just numb.

I think it's part of my depression. [however i'm not suicidal for the time being just apathetic. as usual. which I don't think is part of my depression]. no it is it probably is. i'm 60 - 70% sure. it just hasn't been the main focus for what seems like so long - being 3, 4 yrs. - that it's weird re-experiencing it. for the past 2, 3 yrs. the main focus has been my drinking and my uh. anorexia.

I don't connect to anything right now.