hell hath no fury. evan problems, again. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

we have problems a lot lately.

yeah so last night we got to talking about my health issues [I need more electrolytes. yeah I knew that. I wasn't asking why something happened I was asking what. ok and] which led to us talking about Pat [who, evidently, was an alcoholic. well I knew he drank a lot but I wasn't sure whether or not he was an alcoholic. um. wow] which. of course led to evan spiking out. and getting all paranoid schizophrenic. which I don't completely understand. I mean like I know what it is and what happens but since I don't have it - 'it' being paranoid schizophrenia - [I have schizoaffecive disorder. which is depression + um. schizophrenia] I don't understand it from the angle of having experienced it. as I haven't. ever. so that's what I mean. by 'which I don't completely understand'.

and so he told me a few things that stuck out. 1: he was 50/50 about us talking again. i'm worried that'll turn into like. 60/40. or 70/30. [there's a way to articulate what I mean by this. uh.......i'll come back to this], 2: that he's lost everything he cares about except his mom. ok wow that hurt/s. that's saying he. doesn't care about me. even though I know he does. and 3: that since my family has money [I, never talk about money. I was brought up that way. you don't talk about how much you have or how much you've spent. unless it's regarding a job or you're working w/ a financial person. I don't like it when others talk about money] i'm covered if anything ever happens to me. which evidently upsets him since he doesn't have that. yeah I get that. yeah here's the thing though. stuff already has happened to me [anorexia, sex abuse. health stuff] that they're not going to be involved in. so it's really not about the money. [well I mean it is a little. just not entirely]. i'm getting really tired of him going on and on about the same stuff every time he gets upset. instead of actually doing something about it. [oh I should talk since I never actually do anything about any of my stuff either]. although. he's right though. I just. he should've not made it seem like it's my fault. it's not my fault he doesn't have a lot of money. [and it's probably not his either]. in fact I have offered to buy him food for that very reason. if he's not going to do anything about that then I will. just cause i'm so tired of him not. [ok so I realise in doing that i'm taking over. well yeah]. which he evidently doesn't want. ok well then he'll just be stuck. I tried but he doesn't seem to want that help, so. [and the other reason I wanted to do that is cause I want/ed to take care of him. I thought guys liked that. well......maybe it depends on what it is].

he also. thinks I should respect my family more than I do. yeah well I probably should [no I mean that. I should've phrased it differently]. he's right. but I most likely don't and I don't want anyone's opinion on the matter.