so in response to all this. again, hell hath no fury/evan problems. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

so. i'm really not that nice of a person. [and no that's not random]. everyone's like 'oh you're so nice and sweet'. well it's a good thing you don't know me that well. you're only seeing what you want to see.

um. yeah so last night after our well I can't really call it a fight since I didn't do anything. I didn't argue or. um anything - our. um phone call I texted Evan. via email. and told him how I felt.

so the 1st text was 'wow that hurt. call me if you want to talk about it', or something.

the 2nd was this: 'honestly you deserve better than me. everyone does. than someone who doesn't have actual real problems. than someone who's self indulgent and entitled. than someone who doesn't actually do anything about anything.

if you're that tired of me. then just say the word. and we're done. [I probably really shouldn't text you this. I really shouldn't act on impulse here]. all of it.'

the 3rd was this: ' you're right. no, I don't fully get it. and I might not ever. but I do get a bit of it. that since you're scared of losing me you're, it seems, pushing me away. well I know this isn't what you want to hear but. you're only furthering that by doing exactly that.

i'm scared that your 50/50 thing will turn into like. 70/30. or, 60/40. and I don't want that. I don't want anyone else I want you.'

this is the 4th: 'please be more careful w/ me. I know that's not always possible but. I don't like feeling worthless and undeserving bc of what you've said. or rather didn't say. '

^yeah that was when I caved.

and this is the 5th: 'yeah so i'm still hurtin. and this will come off as such.

um. I don't want to hear any more about my family. or how fuking entitled I am. yeah. I get it. I don't know if that's something you'll change though [yeah like I should talk]. and i'm not ok w/ that.

also if you're really going to play that game, well.........'

^actually I have nothing against his family other than he's close w/ his mom [which. is really my issue not his I realise] I was just hurt. and angry. and bored. and starting stuff just for the hell of it which isn't, you know. much of a reason to do anything. after which point I stopped texting but still want to since, as said. bored.

yeah so. don't make me angry. as you can tell i'm not v. nice. then.