Money in Days of My Destiny

I ordered the present for L's mum - a 1 litre bottle of shampoo and another litre bottle of conditioner. The website stated that orders over $80 equal free shipping - I figure, why not buy myself some products?? I NEVER DO THAT!!! So away I went. I bought myself a body oil and a natural deodorant. I also bought a kiddie shampoo for the girls. Yay!!! Go me!!! FINALLY! I mentioned it to L and he was all like, "Oh yeah....... so how much did mum's birthday items come to?" and then, "How much is delivery if you don't order $80?" I just casually said that I didn't know. After a while of quiet he goes, "Yeah.... I reckon you should get yourself some stuff." This really pissed me off because it's like dude, I was not asking for permission!!! So I told him, "I wasn't asking you if I could - I was telling you." He got annoyed because he reckons he wasn't saying I could, he was just saying it was a good idea. But it's his questions that really piss me off. To me they are an undertone to him assessing the money situation - HIS money situation. We've had arguments before over money and I always bring up the fact that his actions give the impression that at the end of the day, no matter how much he says it's OUR money, that he actually believes that it is HIS money. The questions above, to me, are an example of this. But anyway, I'm learning to let go of this and to just trust that he means what he says (because he always has). We had an argument about money a couple of months ago. He'd been asked to work overtime on the weekend, after a week of him already choosing to do 3 shifts of overtime (which is our plan on that particular shift, because overtime is readily available and it will help us achieve our goals that much quicker). I didn't want him to work the weekend after that particular week because on those weeks, we all really miss out on quality time with him. To me it's a no-brainer, but he was really annoyed that I was against the idea. He said he wanted to do it but that he decided he'd ask me first because he knew I probably wouldn't want him to. I was upset by the end of it and walked out with tears on my face because it's these little situations that trigger a reaction from me towards my past. I walked off in our backyard with tears streaming down my face, feeling desolate, and also desperate at the fact that we NEVER used to argue until we moved here. And what are our arguments about? Fucking MONEY. (Mind you, in the 2 and a half years we've been here, we've probably only had about five or six arguments but still). I felt hatred towards being here if it means that we will be arguing over something as ridiculous and detrimental as MONEY. He came outside and started walking beside me and we got talking about this. He was as frustrated as I was at the fact that we argue about money. I said to him that if this is going to keep happening, I want to move home tomorrow and continue living how we always used to - broke but HAPPY. I've always known money doesn't buy happiness and clearly these arguments are evidence of that. He agreed. And then he said, "Did you know that guy was here?" He pointed towards the house, and there, at our air conditioning unit, was an electrician, trying to fix our unit LOLOLOLOLOLOL. We had absolutely no idea how long he'd been there or how much he'd heard!!!!! Hahahahahaha whoopsies!!! So funny. That moment bonded us and we walked back inside, hand in hand.

Anyway, I'm really glad I prioritised myself for a change today, for no other reason than the fact that I bloody well should! And I deserve it! It's not because I NEED it (although my body lotion IS getting low - which was another thing I mentioned to L when he decided it was a "good idea") or because it's my birthday or Christmas or Mother's Day. It's because I AM ME and I LOVE MYSELF. And you know what? It feels good to splurge on myself. It probably wouldn't feel so good if I did it all the time. Honestly I would say this is the first time I've even bought myself a product online "just because."