therapy in Each Day

I saw Tina again. I say Tina with a hint of disrespect, but it isn’t warranted, just my own stupid bias. I really would like to call her Dr. LastName, but she’s a hyphenate and that makes me crazy too. After our third session together, she deserves better than a snide, “Tina“

Maybe I’ll just call her Dr. LastName here because that feels kinder to me.

So Dr LastName dove right into the history taking stage of EMDR. She asked me things like, “what are your first (negative) memories, ages 3-5”. And I was like, Nope. “How about 6-10?” Ummmmm…
Even the memories I do have most of it is a vague feeling, there are few concrete examples.
But a theme began to emerge. Important things were going on in my life and it seemed like no one cared to know or notice. Some things get context in light of my ADHD dx, but some things are obvious, like not feeling safe enough to be myself, to come out, to be my authentic self.
My family was of the “children should be seen and not heard” school of thought, and as a loud kid with a lot of energy, that got me some negative attention.
Anyway, I’m not interested in getting into specifics.
At one point she made the connection with feeling overlooked and I said that this was a bit of theme. I started getting emotional and she stopped me and asked what it was I was feeling when I talked about this, and with tears in my eyes I spat out, “angry”. At which point we talked primary and secondary emotions. I did mention my penchant for rage, and how it’s often been a blanket over sadness.

I know we have a ways to go, but I feel like I’m on the cusp of getting the kind of mental health help that could make a difference.