just updates in Second 1st

As always things have piled up and I feel like I’ve bee ignoring the fact that I need to put in an entry.
The dog situation is working out okay but I’m afraid she’s picked her person and it’s not Rocky. Why would it be? He doesn’t get up any earlier to take her out. He does play with her in a concentrated time Monday-Thursday, feeds her when his time requires, and takes her out when he is available but his schedule hasn’t changed any. Me however, I make sure to come home ever 3-4 hours to let her out and make sure she has something to eat. Then I’m alone with her in the afternoons on the weekends. She’s been sleeping at my feet and Rocky wants to do an experiment tonight. He wants to swap sides of the bed and see if it’s just because my side is closer to the door.

Jake is currently in the hospital. This time I hope it’s the last time for a long time. He had some major issues this last time and says that every time he goes in he gets worse. He ended up believing he’s an addict of some sorts and tossing all the meds he had. He was entirely unsure what he was actually supposed to take and was taking stuff pretty randomly. It was actually a pretty dramatic thing. He’s now living with his mom..... I mean when he gets out of the hospital he will be back with his mom. Destiny was “tired of him never being there” and talked about how “he uses the hospital like a doctor’s office”. I can understand it because well.... if you aren’t there you can argue not to pay rent but she’s kind of counting on the rent she’s not getting. It’s her own fault..... either way she gave him an Ultimatum. He went ahead and made the choice and took his stuff before heading to the hospital. He told me that he had thrown his medicine out but Dom went through the trash for me and there was no medicine in the trash. Then he had major anxiety and after signing himself into the hospital, he signed himself out. Two days later and after having a talk about the meds “he threw out” he burned it all and went to the hospital. He’s been there since Thursday. He had admitted to lying to the doctors to get certain meds or to go home early the last few times.

Before that, He’s been letting my texts slide. I’ve been getting canned texts (repeats if things he might have said if he were more into it) back 2-3 times a day and to be honest it was starting to hurt. Felt a lot like rejection. Just him getting bored of me like everyone else. I can’t handle that from him so I talked to him about taking a break. Nothing will change I just won’t expect to hear from him. Still want his attention and can’t wait to see him but When I don’t get a Good Morning back or texts with his thoughts about the day I won’t get so upset. I missed him dearly and.... well now I miss him more .... being as I haven’t heard from him since Thursday. “They” have taken his phone at the hospital and he obviously hasn’t earned the phone yet.

I talked to Rocky about the electric feeling I get in my hand when I touch Jake. How I could feel it for a good 6 months after the last time we touched but that it’s gone and I miss it. I cried a lot. I’ve had a few bad dizzy days because of it.... because of stress....

Easter Weekend has been horrible for dashing and I’ve got to work a bit this morning even though I usually have off on Sunday just as a chosen day to have off. After making payments on the car in total of 2019.46 the monthly minimum is now 80.... bringing my weekly minimum to 475 and my daily to 80. Much better than 100 but with the holiday the last 2 days have been a real struggle and I will have to do better planning for the future.

Destiny will be done with her medical assistant schooling mid-May and I talked to her and Rocky about me going up after her exams. So that’s a rough plan right now. I’ll drive. I’ll want my car. Destiny is already pulling some jealous stupidity saying that we should split the 2 weeks up 1 for her without Jake. I don’t understand what’s wrong with her. How does she think we are going to go from 519 miles away to 15 and not try to touch just as often as we can. I have thought about planning 3 weeks .... or at least an extra day or 2 and spend that with Jake then time with Dest without Jake and then more time with Jake because that’s the only way I think we could make it through a whole week being that close.