sex... or lack thereof. in --

I have been crying a lot because I am really dissatisfied and frustrated sexually. I don't remember the last time we had sex. I guess it was within the past two or three months. I remember it, I just don't remember when it was. We didn't get to finish things then either.

I feel really unattractive and gross. I have gained a lot of weight, and I guess having a nine-month pregnant belly doesn't help either. I just feel terrible that he doesn't want to sleep with me. It makes me really sad. I don't know. I talked to him about it and he said he is really attracted to me, and wants to but we never get a chance and he doesn't want to hurt me and I'm always in pain, blah blah blah. I feel like he is just saying it to make me feel better and doesn't really mean it. If he wanted to, wouldn't he at least try?

I've asked many times and I just get rejected every fucking time. I just don't want to try. And I'm so sick of feeling like this.

We haven't really had a sex life in two years and I'm tired of waiting for things to get better. I miss not having a sex drive when I was breastfeeding, because then I wouldn't have to feel this way. Maybe it will happen again after this one is born, and I won't care again. I just don't want to fucking care.

Ideally I would like to do it at least three to four times a week, but preferably more. I get that it's difficult with kids. We average like... I don't know, once every two to three months or so. And when we do have sex, it feels very rushed and there's just no sensualness or adventure at all, and I am really dissatisfied with it. I feel bad that I'm dissatisfied with it. I'm not saying he sucks at sex... sometimes you just want a quality burger instead of the fast food one, if that makes sense. ugh, that sounds gross.

Our relationship is fantastic otherwise. I just can't handle a celibate relationship. I can't. I don't know how much longer I can take it.

It doesn't help that I am about to have a baby and we won't be able to for months... so this could go on for another few months and I am on the verge of tears just thinking about it.

I feel really stupid for feeling so bad about this. I should be happy because everything else with him is fine and I feel like I'm just nitpicking, but it's important, I guess, in a stupid way.