An entry of complaints in Chapter 6 : Just Beginning The Second.

So…

I feel sick as a dog, although I can’t complain too loudly as by this stage with Bub I was spending the majority of my awake time praying to the porcelain god. I’m also shattered and spotty…I have NEVER been spotty in my life, not even when having Bub. I looked this up and apparently it’s an old wives tale that if you’re spotty then you’re having a girl and she’s stealing your beauty....fingers crossed.

I told Ma and she’s ”not pleased” and ”doesn’t know what [I’m] thinking of having another baby” guess what toots, your opinion is neither required nor desired. I have told her that I refuse to let her or anyone else put a downer on this pregnancy, as it will most likely be my last one, and the previous one was so horrendous that I couldn’t enjoy it, so this one is mine to enjoy whilst I can. I’m really hoping they house us soon as I am utterly fed up of having to deal with her nonsense. She’s getting worse with each day, increased mood swings, more bitter every day, more and more confrontational too. She told me the other night that she won’t miss us when we move, people say she was kidding, I know she wasn’t. If she weren’t my mother I would have punched her in the mouth by now.

Speaking of housing, we’re now on the list for about 12 areas. I’m praying that they find us something and soon. I need my own space, and I need to get Bub away from my mother, with each day he becomes more and more dramatic, like her, and I refuse to allow her to turn my son into the mini-me that she is so disappointed that I didn’t become. She needs to take her own advice and realise that at 61 years old, she is too damn old to be a drama queen. I also need my own place so that I can let go and actually relax a little, I am so tense through fear of Bub damaging things because not only does she over react, she holds it against me, she still holds things against me from when I was child, as in not much older than Bub.

I wish we could move away.

Last updated February 08, 2018