The opposite of destruction in 2014

Earlier I spoke to my mother to find out what happened in the process of my sister getting her mortgage. We're trying to buy houses, mirror image but otherwise identical houses that are semi-detached. Its a bit weird. But she's further ahead in the process than me and I got a call today to say that the mortgage lender don't need any more information from me now and have instructed the valuation. I wanted to know what this actually meant though, like, is this it?! Can I be excited yet? More importantly can I buy soft furnishings? And apparently now everything else should be "just a formality" so it seems like the house definitely WILL be ours in the not too distant future and so I am VERY pleased and excited about that. I won't be counting chickens though, I am too cautious with regards to things like this. It won't be "Facebook Official" until I have the keys as far as I'm concerned.

But from this came the conversation where my Mum said she'd said to Steve at my party the other week how it's funny how life can change in the space of 2 years. "Here you are with a big fucking rock on your finger, trying to impregnate yourself and buying a house!" As she put it. I did explain that I'm not trying to impregnate myself all on my own but she insists that I'm probably in the lab making a "Frankenbaby" which I think might be a great name for any future offspring.

So, I wondered, when was all that, exactly? What was happening 2 years ago? So where else to go except the OD archives! I miss that it isn't just there now, for me to search so easily through it all. And 2012 is the one year I somehow managed to miss off getting PDFs. I have the text files though (Thanks be to Neil! [X]) so I had a little search and it was this date, 2 years ago, when EVERYTHING changed. July 15th was the day he told me everything. Its 9pm now, it would have been happening now. Everything would have been falling apart. I just can't believe how much the decisions they made changed my whole life and I can't believe how lucky I feel that I was cheated on, treated so badly, felt so fucking broken and lost. I can't believe how close I came to settling for something because it was what I thought I had, and that I should be grateful and make the best of it. I am SO lucky. Maybe I shouldn't still think about what is past, because it's gone and I don't want it to ever colour my future. But I am in awe of how much can change in the space of 24 months.

Tonight I am drinking champagne (we aren't celebrating just yet, just having an especially decadent Tuesday since I got so much for my birthday!), with a beautiful engagement ring, a possibly beautiful house and someone who loves and supports me and wants to make me happy and who I want to make happy. A partner, an equal, a friend, someone to come on an adventure with me. And I'm not being smug or self satisfied or resting on my laurels. It isn't always champagne and chocolate cheesecake. But it is SO MUCH MORE than I ever thought I could have.

Don't ever settle. Don't ever expect less than perfect, even if you have to readjust your idea of what perfect really means for you. Don't ever lose sight of who you are and don't give up.