Slump in Current Events

I sent a picture to Leanne, my bestie, this morning of my breakfast vs my roommate’s breakfast. Front and centre is my smoothie bowl and in the background is a view of my roommate on the balcony smoking her bowl. It was barely 7:00 am. This apartment absolutely stinks of her weed. I actually think it’s just her that stinks. She smelt so bad when she was waiting by the window for a ride somewhere. It was more than just her pot. I lent her my car yesterday to run a quick errand. I was on my way out while she was on her way back in and the hallway smelt so bad and I knew it was her. I don’t understand. She spends hours in her bathroom.

It’s 8 pm and I can tell that she is waiting for me to cook something but I’m not in the mood. She will tear through the chips, dips, cookies, trail mix, and granola. Most of which I made myself and barely get any of.

I have been wanting to talk to her but she is hiding in her room. I need to unload how awful it is to live with her. The fact that she couldn’t stand living with herself alone should have been a red flag.

Bev invited me to a comedy club yesterday. It was alright. My social anxiety kicked in but I didn’t let it ruin my evening. Got home late though.

I didn’t want to leave the apartment today but failed. I have been window shopping a lot and today I went and purchased a couple of things that I kept thinking about. Got them on clearance. Then I finally washed my car.

Speaking of my car, I did let my roommate use it to grab something in the area but once I told her that I was getting a ride to the comedy club she wanted to borrow it for the night and go to her boxing gym. I said no. I didn’t explain my answer but I see how she treats everything else of my mine.

Not sure why I’m so miserable today. Well, not so much misery but I feel low. At least I feel alive. I have been listening to heart wrenching music and I got myself inspired to paint something. I set everything up for myself tomorrow.

I think what I need is to be outside. We finally climb to double digits next week. I’ll get to go for a run soon enough.

Communication is my problem right now. With things at home and work. I have to figure out what to do with all of my free time. Something productive, if not at least creative. Honestly, maybe I just need to date someone [pause for laughter]. It would be nice to have someone around who always knows what to say when I don’t. Who knows how to motivate me. A partner. I want synergy. Most couples are just experiencing attachments. Needs, wants, and are competing to just make each other stay.

Whatever. I’m putting a movie on and then eating all the snacks before they’re gone.

Last updated April 07, 2023