Growing Pains in Current Events

I don’t need to overthink my anxiety attack yesterday. I was mindful during the episode. I will also be mindful of what comes next. Depression. Things that I have been putting off caught up with me, mentally. That was my anxiety. As I accept the new reality my mind will grieve the old one and that is where my depression comes into play. It’s just a part of growth and transformation.

Anxiety is fear and fear is about control. I admitted to myself yesterday that I was not in control. My fear was. I create habits to give myself a false sense of control. There are also things that I cannot control which are weighing me down and I have to rumble with those accordingly.

I applied at a local health foods shop and I am hoping that they give me a call. A higher version of myself would call to do a follow-up so I will try to commit to that on Monday. On top of everything else that I have on my to-do list. My list is just things that I have been putting off. Putting things off is what generates my anxiety. I know better. I suppose I settled into limbo after I dropped my physics class.

I pulled out of my plans today but I am making some to go for a walk with Alex and Bruce later. I need some fresh air. I will get some exercise this afternoon as well. First I am going to finish my taxes now that we finally have the rent receipts.

This weekend I am going to talk to Toni about some of her childish habits. Just the ones that affect me directly. On Monday I am going to confront my boss about a few things that are bothering me as well. I also have a few questions about potentially transferring to the store for a full-time temp position. She’s held positions open for others before so I am wondering if she would do the same for me.

I overspent in March. I didn’t dig myself into a hole but I got a bonus from work and spent more than I should have. I am not acting my wage. I only have ten hours scheduled for next week. I have a five-day weekend also which I am looking forward to. There is still no sign of my team being given more service hours.

I have been letting myself get lost in my video game instead of doing productive things. I could be doing worse things to cope. I will start studying online at Khan Academy instead so I’m not so out of touch when I go back to school in September.

My nerves are still shot at the moment. My anxiety is present but I am just going to push through it.