The Times, Chimes, & Sentiment in Ecco Domani

Pt 1

Things are good. Things are really good. So why was it suddenly so hard to breathe?

I’ve cut out coffee, and switched to either matcha, yerba mate, or herbal loose leaf teas (namely chamomile.) I spent yesterday, my first off-day, sort of lethargic just taking it easy, re-watching some old favourites, laying around, thinking and meditating.

I have been experiencing some sorrow and nostalgia for things I didn’t even really like that much even when they were actually popular. I guess that is part of it. I am generally high-energy, adrenaline fueled, reality junky pushing limits mental and physical. Risking my life/our lives was a game for us when we were young; I don’t feel old yet and I’m not into living passively through nostalgia more than what is a healthy dose.

My old college mates made a competition out of who could do the most radical stunts. One day, I may elaborate on the stunts because most of us are grown and have mature, responsible lives in positions of respect. Our stunts weren’t mindless. They generally had artistic, pioneering value. Needless to say, some did not make it. Upon becoming more of an adult, I understand the thought process of many parents. We were the “cool kids” climbing some dangerous mountain without ropes afraid their less capable kids would follow. I still struggle with that portion of adulthood. I grew up with Greek philosophies on success. Socrates holding his students head under water and exclaiming about success “You have to want it more than you want air!” I remember sitting in my English Advisors office where she had an antique fan from the 30’s. The type that could chop a finger off if inserted in the blades. She said in class that in Savannah where she grew up, if you were stupid enough to stick your finger in a fan then you didn’t deserve to have a finger. Natural Selection.

I have done exceptionally dangerous things. Best tags some may say. And I came out fine.

Pt 2

I think she loves me. And getting that involved was never part of the plan for me. I didn’t ask her to fall for me, and I won’t change. I’ve been planning this phase in my life for 20 years, and if she can’t keep up, I won’t slow down. She came into my life. My plans. I have streamlined my process. I’ll still be dangerous. The Earth looks rubber to me. The last snowboard ramp bailed from rattled my entire skeleton and it felt euphoric. The only problems are the other goddam “adults,” who throw their towels in long before me. Before us. We all go somehow, and slow suicide is worse than living in fear.