Stress. in Since OD is shutting down....

So this morning was pretty stressful. My cats were annoying as fuck and my kid was driving me crazy. It was pretty difficult getting her up because she never had a nap over the weekend or any down time so she was tired. I got her to school, came back home where I got the text that there’s no after school program at all this week.

Both my friends called this morning where I was super grumpy and I was just like for someone to tell me what the hell I’m supposed to do about getting a job because even if I were to find a work from home job, the training is 6 weeks from 8am-5:30pm and you can’t miss any days. I’m just so beyond frustrated and I’m really sick of being stuck.

I just think it’s bullshit that my kid’s SD hasn’t seen her in almost 6 months AGAIN, doesn’t even ask about her or has even gotten a picture and is completely okay with it. Meanwhile, I struggle daily with my mental health worried I’m never going to work again because I don’t have any help here outside of school. I also get irritated where people act like I shouldn’t have any animosity towards this guy for leaving me to deal with everything on my own and he doesn’t even work part time! If I want to work, I have to figure out childcare. If he works, he doesn’t have to worry about childcare or picking her up if she gets sick.

This morning I was thinking about all the times he wanted to move in or wanted her social because he either wanted to move in and live off me, or live off his own child where he would still never be a parent. Sometimes it’s really hard to digest that this is the person I procreated with. He doesn’t give a damn about his child whatsoever and has done everything under the sun to prove that but still manages to find people to try and defend him. He’s bitter because none of this went his way. It didn’t pan out for him so he could be the piece of shit he aspires to be. It probably sucks living at his sister’s place that’s overcrowded but it can’t be that bad because he won’t do anything to get into his own place because then he’d actually have to work and pay his own way in life.

I’m definitely feeling pretty down today but just trying to enjoy my alone time before I get my kid. The stress just doesn’t stop. I text the lady that runs her program and she didn’t answer so I’m guessing we are probably done and if that’s the case, it’s probably for the best. I just don’t want to set my kid up for inconsistent people more than I already have. I always think things are going to work out and they rarely ever do so it’s really tough on me as her Mom that nothing can ever go right. I’m pretty pissed that she didn’t even text back but whatever.

I just feel like I’m never going to be able to work because I have no help here with my daughter. I still think about moving but I know that wouldn’t solve my problems, but could just make them potentially worse.

It really irks me that the lady never responded. It makes me feel like since I stood up for myself and my child, there needs to be punishment for it. That’s how things have always gone if I have expectations for other people. They want to essentially hurt me.