My Life in Me Being Me

For the most part has been a good life and I have been mostly happy. But at this point I am not sure I am so happy because of what I am doing to myself. I find when I get depressed I gain weight and I don’t want to go anywhere and the desire to be with others is just not there. I am disgusted with myself because I am so over weight and the weight loss program I was doing has changed so much I can not go anymore because there is no where for me to go. The place I use to go to they never re-opened because the memebers just stopped going. And there is zoom but that has issues for me so I can’t do that either. And here is the weakest excuse ever…My scale needs a new battery. I have one but I just haven’t put it in yet.
I am finding that I am more tired and have way less energy and I figure it has to do with the side effects of my medication and I am either too cold or too hot. I think if the tempature here were at one setting I would be okay and be comfortable but the tempature fluxuate so much during the day that it’s no wonder it costs so much. And I am wondering if a new furnace is in order so it can be more energy efficiant?
And the cost of electricity here is sky high and that is because I am forced to get all these things that will make me more comfortable, plus I have to put my oven on some days because it’s that cold in here. So far nothing has been said so I will just keep what I am doing. I use to not pay so much for my electricty because I had it at one setting except for the summer when I turned it off and it was something I could always afford. I figure if I had control of my own tempature it would be at one setting all winter long then get turned off in the summer.

Onto something else…

I know why I feel the way I do and that is because of all the cookies, chips and peanut butter chipits I am eating every day and I know that has to stop. But the other day I did heat a pineapple so that is a start. But everything I have made for dinner lately I just don’t like it and I find it boring. But I do eat most of my vegetables and my carbs and maybe a fraction of the protien and that is it. And I don’t want to go out in the real world because I think I am just too fat and I don’t want anyone to be looking at me. And all my clothes are not fitting right on me and I won’t buy anything bigger so I just wear what I have. Good thing I have clothes for when I start to lose weight and I also have what I call skinny clothes and fat clothes so I keep switching as my weight goes up and down. I have been like this my whole life and it all started when I was 10 and there looks like there is no end in sight. So I have decided that I just need to accept me the way I am and leave it at that.

Onto something else…

Dinner tonight will be left overs for hubby and I am not sure what I will eat but it won’t be much.

I need to stop here…
So do have a great day…
Be Kind, Be Calm, Be Safe and Behave.

Last updated March 24, 2023