I met someone. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I started talking to someone on Facebook dating last night. We text until about 10 last night and have been this morning. He’s very nice, polite and I know I’d like to get to know him. He works and has his own place. I can’t get over how sweet he is and totally accepting of me having a child. I am really hoping we are going to do something for my birthday in a couple of weeks. I don’t know if I plan to tell anyone about him just yet because a lot of the time shit doesn’t work out but I am definitely feeling good vibes.

I remember my SD telling me how he didn’t want men around my kid but I don’t understand how you can walk away and have someone raise a child by themselves and just expect them to live by YOUR rules while you live your life completely care free. You don’t get to decide jack shit for other people. I have been single since before I was even pregnant and I’ve never had men around my child but I can’t promise that I’m going to stay single and never bring someone into our lives. I just think it’s selfish that he’s never been there but doesn’t want anyone else to be either. I think about how what if I found someone that would be a good fit for both of us and he’d want my daughter to miss out on a father figure?!

I just can’t deal with that level of selfishness. He’s always had this deal of being extremely selfish and weirdly possessive. I even told my friend that it’s normal for people who have kids to get into other relationships after they split up, that’s human nature. I think it’s bullshit that there’s people that believe I’m to just be single and lonely forever all because I had a kid with the wrong guy. That just enrages me.

I talked to my friend and she’s all for me getting to know this guy. She even said that it’s completely fine to be in a relationship because she knows I’ve been single this entire time and there’s nothing wrong with finding someone.

So after a week, I heard from my caseworker. I told her that I need to get myself in a good place physically and mentally so I’m able to get a job. She said that she had received an email stating that I’m over income and they will be closing my case. This is wonderful news and I’m glad that I quit showing up because otherwise I would have sat in that room for absolutely nothing for the month!! So I’m done now and feel good that it was beyond my control and left it on good terms. From here on out, I’m able to just focus on my daughter and getting myself to my appointments. I can’t even begin to describe how good this feels.

I thought a month ago that I was going to stick it out until June but then about 3 weeks ago, my back completely went out on me where I was sick everyday and thought I was going to black out. I was barely able to function just getting my kid ready and to school. There was no way I would have been able to be there. My daughter goes to school and I like being able to run errands and get stuff done in the daytime which to me is more effective than sitting in a room dealing with favoritism and gossip. I just don’t agree with how the program is ran and I just felt that I was putting more into it than what I was getting in return.

It always bothered me that I was basically ‘earning’ money that I had already spent taking care of my daughter and paying utilities. I didn’t see a dime of CS for a year and a half when I signed up for this program and I had to earn money that was already owed to my child. It’s bullshit that there’s always more accountability for the custodial parent. I get up early, get my daughter ready and take her to school while he gets to sleep all day as I’m sitting in a room because of HIS FUCKING ACTIONS!

It must be nice to just sit around and be the biggest piece of shit on the planet and still portray yourself as the victim. No bitch, you aren’t a victim you are a deadbeat!!

Sitting in that room just made me so much more angry about my situation. It was just a daily reminder that I chose to have a child with the wrong guy. I just couldn’t handle how angry I was sitting there in my own thoughts all day long. I also didn’t feel there was any compassion whatsoever for losing my Grandma, the fact that my car broke down and we were on foot or even for my health problems. I get the accountability aspect but I could only do so much and again, I’m only one person!

I will never forget how they treated me when my daughter and I were on foot. There was zero compassion. I remember asking if they had been updated on my car repairs where I was told it’s not their job to be ‘bugging’ anyone and it’s like okay I just asked if there was an update! I didn’t ask for you to be bugging them!! They just didn’t care because it wasn’t them out here walking with their child and be stressed the fuck out every minute of every day! I will never ever in my life forget how they talked to me in such a demeaning manor on top of falling on hard times! I also remember asking if they help with tag renewals and omg that was a big ordeal. I had also asked if they would pay for me to get CPR/FirstAid certified so I can look for a job in a daycare and they said no because there might be a specific place where I’d have to get that done even though there’s only one fucking place here to do it!

I don’t feel that they really tried to help me get a job. I think they want people to just use that place as a crutch because it’s job security for them. People here just make me so glad that I do have plenty in savings and I am able to do things at my own pace. I can only handle so much rudeness and crazy shit especially when I KNOW I don’t have to!! It’s just another reminder of how much I truly hate people and that’s part of the reason I haven’t worked in so long because I do have a bad temper and can only put up with so much.

It’s just so nice to know that I’m done with the program and I can just go on with my life. I do appreciate the help that I did get and everything but I don’t appreciate how much shit I tolerated for it too.