Inflation and depression in Stuff

Time for a mental-health entry :)

I’m doing alright, I just know it helps to write, and why I have been for 19 years now. To think the guy who got me into diary-ing doesn’t even write anymore and hasn’t in years. Oh well.

It’s been a rough few weeks, but I’m starting to feel somewhat human again. Thank fuck. I don’t know if the magnesium gummies I’ve started taking are helping a lot, or if the post-Covid symptoms are gradually leaving me alone naturally, but I’ll take what I can get. Maybe having food-poisoning last week got rid of some extra nasties, in which case, I am thankful. The cough is still hanging around but isn’t overly annoying.

I’ve been reflecting a lot, which I do anyway, but even moreso, given that I’m sure Covid nearly killed me a few weeks ago. The effort it took me to just ring 112 from my mobile phone and to try to speak was something I never want to experience again. But I won’t forget that moment in the hotel room where I realised that if I didn’t get help, they’d probably find me dead in the room. I think I did well to get through 39 years of life without needing to call emergency. I just keep thinking that if Covid had decided to take away my breathing ability on top of my movements, that would’ve been stumps for me. Unsure if that’s just an Aussie term or not. Kicked the bucket - there we go.
I realised I could still breathe, and there was hope. I didn’t let the depression demon win.
I’ve also thought about how whenever I’m sick, I can probably come across as quite dramatic, but I swear to God, man-flu is a thing, when we get flu’s. Or maybe women just suck it up and don’t complain as much. I just feel when I get sick, I get sick.

So I’ve been gradually trying to get back into gym, for my mental health more than anything. There were a few attempts where I did one exercise and realised it was pointless being there. I just didn’t have the energy and was wasting my time, so I accepted it, packed up and went home. No point being proud. I’ve since managed to go twice now and do a half-decent session. I think I’m on the mend, but am still quite tentative of course - I’m not lifting overly heavy weights.
I do think the thing people say about Covid messing with the digestive system is true. It’s making me eat healthier, if even a little. It might also have something to do with just getting older, as I have noticed it with age, wheras it’s easier just to eat healhy and not deal with feeling like shit later. Having food-poisoning made me second-guess everything I was trying to eat, namely beause I just couldn’t keep it down. Bananas and ginger-ale, according to good old Dr. Google. Who would’ve thought it was correct? The Hydralite I was taking is orange-flavoured, which is apparently a big no-no (along with grapefruit) - the orange is too sweet and acidic, so any other flavour would have been fine. I think the orange is fine to keep for any other time I need hydration, just not when nauseous.
But I always forget shit like that. The next time this happens, I’ll go for the orange again to hydrate. My brain is so annoying. I don’t know why it has trouble retaining important imformation. I know I hated school and TAFE.

Work has been okay and getting better with each shift. Those shifts I did WITH Covid were fucking hell, especially being left on my own. I was not happy. There are some new middle-aged ladies who have started who are very hard workers (I am thanking God they haven’t hired more lazy teenagers!) and are always after extra shifts, but not getting many at my store, and yet there I am working fucking alone in desperate need of help on weekends. We now have a new store manager and a new grocery manager (this one actually works all day Sunday and doesn’t take off at 10am like the previous one did - which is the time I start) so things are gradually improving, but we still need at least one more person as there is just so much workload on a Sunday, even between two. How the fuck I did it by myself, I don’t know. It was really setting the higher priorities and leaving everything else for whoever works on Mondays. The new store manager is apparently looking into rosters. He told me that personally. We’ll see. I still had two cages (out of eleven) left over when my shift was over yesterday. I will say that being so busy really makes my shifts fly though.

My anxiety levels are pretty much unchanged HA. I keep thinking that the owner of the unit I’m in will sellI’ve been here five years and property is expensive at the monent - it would make sense to cash in. I just have a nagging feeling. I’m hoping I’m wrong. I just keep trying to think of a back-up plan if it happens. I think I wuld put all my shit into storage and try to rent a room somewhere. There’s a massive rental crisis at the moment, and I keep hearing the stories and seeing the posts of people who have been kicked out of their homes in favour of AirB&B (a huge problem here) and upwards of 50-people at every rental inspection on weekends. Fucking scary times to live in Australia at the moment. One of my workmates (who owns like 3 properties) keeps telling me I need to buy, and I’m like, “Kinda need a deposit to buy!” so that’s out of the question (hopefully for now, as being too pessimistic isn’t great for the mental health) and he keeps going on about how easy it is, until I asked him, “Are you on a fixed interest rate?” and he replies, “Every month, I have a mini heart-attack.”
There you go. It’s not all sunshine and roses is it?
But yeah, I’ve never had issues with renting, being a gay guy. But now that the security factor has come into play, it’s bloody scary. I always thought I don’t need to own a home because I don’t need to provide for a family, but now I don’t know if I have security for myself HA.
And working in a supermarket, I can physically see the cost of living going up with each day that passes. Whenever I scan a ticket, I can see on my device that the price has gone up, because it’s an old ticket that my lazy workmates haven’t updated, so that’s yet another thing I have to do. And things aren’t just going up 20 cents or so, it’s upwards of $2 (coughchocolate) to $5 (cough coffee, vitamins) EACH, depending what it is of course. I can actually tell you that the only thing that has gone DOWN in price, is salt. And that’s not the branded-salt (that’s gone up) - the homebrand salt is the only thing I’ve seen go down in price. So yay guys, feel free to clog your arteries! I feel like life has become so corrupt/bullshit that the hospitals are probably subsidising the company to increase their profits.
And yet people still seem to have money. It’s certainly not any less busy at work. It feels like it’s more!
Apparently my store is transitioning into a Metro by June/July. In theory, we should lose a lot of customers when that happens (as Metro’s are more expensive) but things are so expensive anyway, that maybe it won’t make a difference?
Interesting times.

Anyway, enough of me rmbling away about boring work crap. I just mainly wanted to write about how I’m starting to feel a little bit better and hopefully it stays that way. It’s still fucking *hot here. March has been a complete wipe-out so far that Summer has stolen from Autumn and I am pissed off, a Autumn is usually my favourite season in Brisbane, but it’s actually been fucked. Usually Brisbane gets about 2 months of actual Summer but this time it’s been at least 4. Global warming is real, yawl! Hearing the Northern Hemispherer’s go on about how cold it is and I’m dreaming of it lol - although I hate the cold here too. Although Brisbane-cold is like 10 degrees C ha! Just give me my damn Autumn that I’m used to, please!