Injections. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I got my injection this afternoon. I have zero pain but they said it could be because of the numbing stuff that was used. I can’t believe that I was able to stand earlier for 15 minutes and not feel like I was about to collapse! Being pain free is such a great feeling and I pray it lasts for quite some time!! I feel so much better and I’m glad that I got through this so if I ever have to do it again, I won’t be nervous. I literally was chewing the insides of my mouth earlier because I was so scared to get this done. They said I made it look easy but I will admit, it was painful but not as bad as I expected.

We got my daughter after school where she came out crying because they took her Ipad away. She hit some kid and I tried to ask her about it but she didn’t want to say anything and I decided to just let it go because I’m in no position to be stressed out.

She fell asleep before her bath but I’ll see if she wants to do it in the morning. She was absolutely exhausted because it was a busy weekend.

I haven’t heard from my job program and I don’t think I will. I don’t plan to text my caseworker because I don’t know what to say. I don’t plan on going back because I just want to work on myself such as getting to the gym more regularly and attending to my other appointments. I want to get myself in a really good place physically so I can get a job. I really wanted to stick it out for a couple of more months but my back pain was crippling last week and I just couldn’t bring myself to sit somewhere and be in more pain.

It’s also really annoying how I communicated all of this every day last week and it still wasn’t good enough. I was to call on top of texting but I was in too much pain. I have complained profusely for MONTHS that I have herniated discs and other health issues and I feel like it’s fallen on deaf ears no matter who I talked to about it. I also feel like I am always treated differently in every social setting because I am plus size. There is such a thing as ‘thin privilege’ and I know my weight has a lot of impact on the way people interact with me. I tried to be just as outspoken as that other girl and I could tell they just found me annoying and weird so I just learned to be quiet and not speak unless I was spoken to. I found the whole thing very uncomfortable and upsetting.

I tried. I am always willing to give anything a chance but I can say after 2 months of it, I was just completely burnt out and I told them multiple times I’m drained after I go to PT and counseling that it’s hard for me to just sit there. Plus, if I stay in any position for too long, once I try to move I’m really stiff and it’s painful.