Intuition in Current Events

When I try to reflect on the last few days everything becomes a bit of a blur. There is nothing eventful happening right now. I’ve been letting myself get lost in Skyrim which I want to take a break from. I have better things to do. There are worst things I could do to handle my internal restlessness.

I bought a weekly planner so that I could create more structure. I write every little thing that I want to be done on it. I mostly want to start meal planning and meal prepping. I do meal prep but it is mostly for work and with my reduced hours I don’t do much with that. It’s something I usually enjoy. It dawned on me that I could prep for two meals daily to ensure I eat right. I am trying to gain some more weight. I gained almost 10 lbs since I quit coffee. I can feel it and see it in my chest a little bit. It’s weird to have… squishy parts lol. I’ve never had body fat before. I know it isn’t much but still.

I applied at a thrift store and they rejected me within 20 minutes via e-mail. I remembered that I have an old friend that works at a different location so she is going to put in a word for me. I’ll apply there and we shall see what happens. I only want part-time for a bit. I was supposed to be in school but we know how that turned out. I have a lot of free time until September.

I was interacting with a real astrologer on FB when he speculated about something regarding my chart. He said that I probably need to master my Mercury. He asked me to DM him my chart so I did. The first thing he said was that I have a very powerful chart. I know right? Then he said that my problem is that I don’t trust my intuition. That is literally my whole thing. I learned to trust myself in a lot of areas but I have been keeping myself watered down because I don’t want to let myself feel vulnerable. Sometimes I wish that I could be impulsive like Aires. Just throw caution to the wind. I’m too analytical, too cynical and too practical. I can feel what I am being called to do I just don’t want the negative energy that comes with it. I’ll be nice and safe if I just shrink my surroundings and never put myself out there.

Speaking of nerve. I have an appointment to get my hair did today. I left feeling devastated last time because I didn’t like the haircut. I’m going to communicate better. I didn’t like the colour last time either. She made it blonde. We usually go with sterling which ends up platinum from the purple shampoo. I’m dreading coming home and feeling disappointed. The first time we did it was amazing. I felt amazing at least.

I can feel my depression bubbling up to the surface. I noticed yesterday that I am disconnected from my goals and passions. I want to reconnect with those. I almost want to get sick because everything resets in my brain and I can choose what to connect to after. It’s a shortcut. However, I feel as though I was in a higher space until December of 2020 when I got really sick. Before that, I had imposter syndrome from changing so much internally that I felt like a stranger in my own life but that was worth it. Now it is like I am slowly becoming the man I used to be after every episode of my body healing. I suppose I can look at it as me getting to clean up old karma. I’m wiser than that old me. I’m so existential, I know I know.

I visited with my friends on Saturday. We had a blizzard but we didn’t let it stop us. The roads were awful to drive in. Then a couple of us walked in that blizzard to pick up some food that we ordered. It was a good time though. This Friday I have Adams social. I bought a green fedora and some green suspenders to fit the St. Patricks Day theme. I don’t usually get festive but why not? It’s practically a big work event at this point. It’s going to be fun because we get to drink at this one. His prizes there are so good. I really want to leave with something. I am gunning for that PS5.

I have everything I need and want at the moment. However, it would be nice to get a new mattress and a better desktop computer. I’d rather save up for it than use any credit. Actually, there is a book that I want but it is $80. It’s called The Hearth Book. The Bible is an encyclopedia of ancient cults. It is one of the greatest hermetic science textbooks of all time. Across history and culture, we all spoke the universal language of astrology and we used the universal system of astrotheology. Mythology is science, not religion. Pre-Christian Christianity used to teach the bible correctly before the inquisition. This Friday is St. Patrick’s day which is actually celebrating the death of the druids. Christians are their own antichrists. When this gets brought up they justify it as they needed to learn the Bible and find God. These freaks say the same thing about what happened to my people. Nobody was touched by god they were touched by priests. These freaks don’t care about pedos unless it comes from a drag queen. It is what it is. I can’t create enemy constructs in my mind right now. This Hearth Book strips away the allegories and just delivers the science. The Bible is a physics book. Not a history book. These people don’t love god, they love power. We shouldn’t have to tell grown-ass adults that burning bushes can’t talk, we can’t logistically support two of every animal on an ark, we can’t walk on water, and a literal woman wasn’t made from a literal rib. That’s an obvious allegory about the splitting of an atom.

Their sins are pride, lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, and envy. Their pride dehumanizes everyone else. They lust for power and dominion over everyone and everything. They are gluttonous and greedy with it. They “work” so hard to be good Christians so they can get blessings and so they envy those who are happy, healthy, and blessed as non-Christians. This creates their Christian wrath. Their sloth is when they look the other way to pretend their church isn’t hurting anyone, especially innocent children. So long as it is in Jesus’ name it will be forgiven. Jesus is not even the right name. It isn’t Jesus Christ it is Christ Joshua. Christ is a title. The allegory is about becoming Christ. When you fracture your reality, for starters, into concepts like good and evil, you cannot become whole and holy. It is the smallest level of thinking. That knowledge of good and evil was forbidden fruit. Anyway, I’m saving those rants for the socials.

Hit The Spot
[TMI Warning]
I started playing with my prostate massager. I’ve tried it before but I had trouble getting it in. I finally figured it out. Yesterday was my second time using it. I didn’t understand the hype the first time. This time around started off the same way. Then I hit the right spot and I was like Ok! I get it now! It was only for a couple of seconds because things kind of unloaded immediately. Out of my control. I can see the potential now. However, something happened to my psyche after. I was so aware of my body. Everything was super sensitive. I don’t like surprises so I didn’t enjoy that. It gave me some anxiety. I’ll be mentally prepared next time.

Anyway, I guess the moral of the story is the same old same old. I am not goal-oriented and it is killing me inside. I should get on with it then.