One More Year Burdened, Maybe in Current Events

Yesterday I got a call from my roommate while she was at work. She forgot to submit our lease renewal. It will just get handed in late. So it’s going to be another year of being her roommate. I do like this apartment though.

I spent the afternoon cleaning the apartment. I went and bought a plant stand and some plants. I found an end table that is perfect for the living room. I get a big bonus this month so I treated myself a tiny bit. I woke up this morning and saw that she left me a big mess to clean in the kitchen. It will stay there all day because she will not touch it. All she does is make a mess and eat all of the food. She’s back to smoking weed which means she is back to being a lazy selfish cow loser, a complete burden. A 37-year-old child. It’s particularly hard to witness her harm her lungs because her liver is shot. Heavy metal toxicity is the cause of almost all autoimmune disorders. She incurred two autoimmune diseases since she got fully vaxxed. Alopecia and psoriasis. She does not have what it takes to correct that so it will only get worse for her as her lifestyle isn’t enough to support anything else. She refuses to change so this is a win for big pharma and big government.

I don’t know why I am already annoyed with her first thing in the morning. I just had three days alone so I should be good to go. She’s been in and out of her bathroom all morning as usual. I don’t know what she is doing but she will do this for hours. She did it before bed also. She doesn’t wear makeup, she doesn’t style her hair. I don’t wanna know what is going on in there exactly. I have to wait patiently to take a shower. She has to wait patiently to have access to my bathroom which is connected to my room and has the laundry machines. I hide in my room when she is home for most of the day. Normally I would be exercising but I’m not feeling it today.

When we talked about moving in together, the big idea was that we would both go back to school. I did that, however, I did just drop the physics class which I am not happy about. I think I am projecting onto my roommate. She has no goals. She contributes nothing to anyone. She looks down on people she calls lifers and makes condescending remarks even though she is a lifer. She wanted to do interior design. Instead, she does purchasing for a store. She used to throw the term cluster B around after I used it once but she stopped that after we talked about her drinking. She would stop calling people a lifer if she was willing to see that she is one.

I can’t get the images out of my head from what I used to come home to when when we first moved in. She would be passed out drunk on the couch. Sitting in an upright position with her head facing the ceiling and drool drying up on her face. The times she walked into walls trying to hide the shame. Having to clean up the wine off the counters, walls and floors. She made a casual comment referencing her heavy drinking. She blamed Bob, essentially. The friend with benefits she fell for who didn’t want her. He’s a Capricorn, you’re going to have to be of high value. Codependent people are parasitic.

(She just stepped out for her third bong rip in half an hour)

Last week I witnessed what her midnight snack attack looks like. She sits in the living room in the dark. Inhaling chips so fast that she literally has to stop to gasp for air. It was a pathetic scene. She left the mess for me the next day. Miss I can’t sleep when she does bong rips before bed. The other day she brought chips out and made dip while I was watching a movie in the living room. It was nice of her but I didn’t touch it. I was fasting. It was annoying to watch her eat them. She put dips on plates and then fights to get the dip on the chip. She will use a second chip to try and load dip on it. She wet and grabbed a spoon and was just scrapping the dip off it with her chip. Just use a fucking bowl. The dip won’t spread out. 20+ years of frying her brain man.

I had that dream of her where her alopecia took away everything from the back of her head. She was still acting as though nobody could notice. Poor thing. She doesn’t know that I know. I noticed two November’s ago. At first, I noticed that her hair was all over the apartment. It was and is aggressive but I didn’t think much of it until I saw her staring out the balcony window and I saw that her hair was thinning. I saw her outside leaving the liquor store once, the wind lifted up her hair and I saw a full bald spot. Pure scalp. We watched a movie together once and she made a condescending comment about unattractive people. She set herself up for some karma with that one. Whenever I take my detox baths, black ink washes off from behind the handles. She is dyeing her scalp with something. Something fuzzy I suspect.

I’m sure there is plenty that I annoy her about. I am waiting for her to tell me that the lease is officially submitted. With my reduced hours I can’t afford this place on my own. She has one up over me. I don’t like that power dynamic. I feel as though she is a flight risk so I have been hesitating to try and add self-awareness. She has the psychology of a child and will respond as such. I have to get it off my chest. She stepped up as a grown-ass adult who can take care of themself during those couple of weeks when she wasn’t high 24/7. That is the roommate I thought I was getting. Someone who could at least do the bare minimum.

Anyway, I have been pretty aimless the last couple of days. That was my intention. I shall go clean up the kitchen now so that I can cook myself something to eat. I just ended my fast which was about 35 hours long. I feel refreshed. I was ambitious out of nowhere to start making content for the socials but had a selfie session instead.

(Holy shit she is cleaning her mess!)

Last updated March 04, 2023