I was There in Journal

Lately at PT therapist has talked about her kids.
I’m surprised at the number of regrets that pour out of her. Seemingly without notice, without awareness, and with a sort of air of “it’s like this for everyone”. Isn’t it?
I don’t feel righteous or judgemental. I feel a little sympathetic. But mostly, I just wonder if she’s aware of the trade she made. And if she really believes it’s worth it.
Because she reels off her regrets like a grocery list, I wager no, and no.
“I miss that baby stage,” she (and mom’s everywhere) said. I don’t empathize. I don’t feel that way at all, and actually I don’twant to feel that way. I remember moments with my son, both in the glow of love and in the depth of hellish sleepless weeks, that I looked at him and I knew in my bones that I am here. I was there. I was all in. I was present, accountable and accounted for. Whether it was good or bad, I was there. And I am so very glad of it.
So, I don’t miss it. I didn’t miss it. I was there.

Also, I feel better. I woke this morning with energy and got everyone going in a good mood. Not that that’s difficult. Our son is a ray of sunshine and giggles at the slightest antic!
At first I wasn’t sure if turning off the power at night was doing anything “good” because I fell into such a deep sleep that I could barely get up. Now after a few nights, I’m sure it’s good. I just hadn’t gotten really good sleep for so long! And, W has slept through the night for the first time in awhile. Months, probably.
My annoyance has not persisted. I think it’s because we have decided on a plan of action and executed immediately. DH and I both agreed we noticed a difference and so it was important we make a permant change and rewire the house. After some reading on what’s what, we ordered BX flexible conduit 12ga wire and a cutter. And started the process of getting a consult with a building biologist. I hope this doesn’t end up being some kind of impossible thing. Old houses are full of surprises.