Moving on in Journal 2023

I felt immense guilt reading that. Honestly, I just felt myself lock my inner self in a box for the last time. Sharing emotions just hurts people. I’m not a good person and even the kindest of people see me as bad. I thought I found a person who was unlike other men. Who was nice and he is but, clearly I must have abused my power over him. I’m not better than all my other exes. People deserve happiness and I feel so bad, I don’t try to think about it much. I cried to the first time about it today. Well right now. I don’t know how to talk to him anymore, what if his thoughts are worse? I just have to be perfect now, no more sickness and pain. I, Mariessa, am a bad human being and I can’t do it anymore. No matter what progress I make I just run in circles constantly, endlessly. I never fix myself and I just can’t take it.