When is it Appropriate in Journal

To consider ear piercing for your daughter?
The question is intriguing to me because the fact of body autonomy and informed consent is forefront in my mind. And when does a child have the degree of understanding future consequences, how decisions shape attitude and beliefs, and their own motivations.
Personally, I find some earrings to be elegant, and an accessory that can make or break the look at important occasions.
But, there are always clip-ons.

I was poignantly reminded of my childhood and how I got my ears pierced. I was 12. I remember it distinctly. I was in the 6th grade. I wanted my ears pierced, and so my mom let me do it.
But it didn’t make me happy. In fact I think it made me scared and anxious. Mom, and nobody, cared to ask why I wanted my ears pierced. There was no particular reason why I should, or shouldn’t. And no one cared to know the reason, or lack of reason, as it were. This meant, I think, that I felt excruciatingly exposed. I got my ears pierced on a whim with no care and no reason. What else would my young, immature, impulsive self want in the moment? Where would this pattern lead if left without any resistance?
It is sort of a silly innocuous thing to think about- getting ones ears pierced. But it isn’t particularly about that, experientially. What I learned and internalized from it was the method by which my parents and mom in particular made decisions. The decision matrix went something like, “will this particular thing benefit me? My daughter’s time and attention and social needs are increasingly met and sought in her peers, and this takes pressure off of me, and this particular interest facilitates that.”
I grew up in a very unique time, I think. Or perhaps place. Or both. When I was 12, the peer landscape was incredibly diverse in terms of quality, value, intellect, etc. There were girls who were smart, pretty, reserved and classy. There were the town sluts. And there were everything in between. What I mean by unique is that today, ear piercings are barely even a thought let alone second thought, as to contributing to the perceived qualities of a person. But when I was 12, it was racey to have your ears pierced. And a distinct social risk. A girl risked never being taken seriously if she had her ears pierced. Certainly, if there was more than one, her prospects were completely nill.
And yeah, you can have all the “pride” you want in your lifestyle. But it’s nothing more than the rantings of a reprobate to everyone else. Or, the pronouncement that one lacks caring parents; ie, a siren of the vulnerable neglected minor.
So a 12 year old experiencing the make it or break it social risks is going through an extremely crucial moment in life. An intelligent 12-year-old [higher capacity to empathize with the future self] will resist displaying vulnerability, seeing that this leads to distinctly negative outcomes. But she lacks guidance and protectionjust as much as the sluts who showcase their vulnerability and just aren’t intelligent enough to resist the short term benefits. The intelligent 12yo has more gas in the tank, so to speak, to go a little further. But no matter how much gas the child has, she’ll run out at some point when she has no moral, spiritual, intellectual, guidance.
So it is destructive when people point out how “well” kids are doing in relation to one another, taking credit for their parenting or something like that. They’re doing nothing except claiming credit for the relative sacrifices of their children.
My relative success had nothing to do with my parents. Unless you count the genetic component of intelligence. I feel angry at the thought of my mom as she often says “we did pretty good! Look how you turned out!” Because I know that I had to sacrifice a lot just to make it. The wisdom and guidance that was rightfully mine was withheld, and I had to literally cripple parts of myself just to keep up. It doesn’t matter that I had more biological resources to devote to trying to keep up. No one starts out with equal intelligence, or equal security, or equal anything. I judge by what choices were made about the resources afforded, since that is the only thing we have control over.
And, in the case of my parents, they vampirically siphoned off huge potential from my young self in order to claim credit for their own success. And it’s absolutely disgusting.

It is so interesting how small decisions can belie the depth and purpose of those making them.
I do not think that I will ever make the mistake of a thoughtless decision when it comes to my children. And if I do, I will lament it.