Buzzfeed doesn't always get it right... in Those Public Entries

But when it does, it’s a thing of nearly indescribable beauty. Posting because we all, myself included, need to hear these.

17 Pieces of Advice From Therapists that are Hard to Hear (not in the same order as the article)

1. Your triggers are YOUR responsibility.
   I cannot even begin to tell you how many people I’ve met who need to hear this on a daily basis. As well as its corollary: Just because you were triggered does not mean you get to treat people however you want. “I was triggered” =/= “excuse for abusive behavior.”

2. Intellectualizing your emotions instead of feeling them is still avoiding them. You can’t logic your way out of your emotional well-being.

3. If you don’t love yourself first, you’re going to be stuck chasing people who don’t love you.

4. If you’re always letting things slide to “keep the peace” around you, you’re constantly sacrificing the peace within you.

5. The people who leave you after you start establishing and honoring your boundaries are the people who most benefited from you not having boundaries.

6. If you’re always having to be the bigger person, stop hanging around small people.

7. For my fellow anxious people: Instead of exploring the negative “what-ifs,” start exploring the positive “what-ifs”. Instead of “what if I fail,” ask yourself, “what if I excel?”

8. Trying to date emotionally unavailable people is like going to Home Depot for lemons.

9. Happiness is just an emotion, like anger and sadness. Stop making it your end goal. Permanent happiness is impossible, and if you make it your endgame, you’ll end up disappointed.

10. If you self-isolate when overwhelmed, you probably had to solve a lot of problems on your own as a kid.

11. You will never not be hurt or experience sadness or heartbreak. That’s not the point or the endgame of mental wellness. The point is to be able to roll with life’s punches in healthy ways and keep living. Because, and I cannot stress this enough, the punches always come.

12. Your anger is the part of you that loves you, and knows you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, always.

13. Depression doesn’t always = sadness. Depression can = lethargy, unreasonable anger (especially in men), neglecting your hygiene, neglecting your self-care, and burying yourself in distractions from yourself. (…Excuse me, random Twitter-person’s therapist, but how dare you say things about me that are entirely true?!)

14. Self-deprecating jokes are fine, until they lead to actual self-deprecation and self-hatred. Or, another way I’ve seen it put: “Don’t talk about yourself in any way you wouldn’t talk about your friends.”

15. If you feel like you’re losing it, you’re more likely processing grief. Your life isn’t meant to stay the same forever, and it’s normal to temporarily or permanently lose parts of it. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, or that you’re not allowed to mourn the life you once had, or the person you used to be.

16. Never be ashamed of your heart, if you’re not hurting anyone.
    Corollary for the Sanctiproseboxers: Never make other people ashamed of their hearts, if they’re not hurting anyone. If someone shows vulnerability, you show kindness. If you don’t know how to show kindness, learn. If you don’t know where to start learning, ask.

17. Anyone who tells you you’re crazy needs a reason for you to believe it. 100% of the time, that reason is cruel and self-serving.
    
    And, my own addition:

18. Everyone can benefit from going to therapy. Not because you’re crazy, but because there’s no shame in getting help sorting out what’s going on in your head. Given the world we live in, there’s no reason therapy shouldn’t be treated as routine health care.

Last updated November 30, 2022