Mom's group in Journal

Was pretty cool. There were 10 or so of us all at a house- all having had the same home birth midwife. That was the common point among us, but we definitely found lots more in common.
The things I noticed more, though, weren’t so much that we belonged to shared interest groups. I found myself watching how the other moms interacted with their babies- everyone had an under 2 baby there, and I was actually they only one with 2 kids!- and also I watched their interpersonal characteristics. There were a few women I didn’t talk to at all, mostly because they were on the other side of the room and I had to keep after my son. But for the ones I did talk to and felt I wanted to talk to, I found that I wasn’t really all that interested in sharing information particularly, or hearing specifics (although that’s fine and good and all). But I felt more curious about how they approached and received the world, new people, their children, etc.
There was one woman for example who didn’t say anything at all. I began to wonder why she came. I asked her a few questions about herself which she answered and she never offered another syllable or asked me anything. I feel like someone like that is, aside from impossible to have a conversation with, afraid of saying too much. Something incriminating, perhaps, or revealing something she’s ashamed of.
Someone posted that all mom’s sending guess or doubt their parenting. But I don’t. I have many friends that don’t. This-assumption I’ll call it- is an idea that can only come out of never questioning why a parent might doubt themselves. Is it because she knows she’s not living her own standards? And, even if she’s not aware of why she doubts her parenting, that unawareness is a choice and necessarily a failure of her own standards. Which makes it worse. The feelings of doubt and shame come from somewhere.
I found it interesting that I really don’t have anything to hide, nothing that I’m even willing to hold in the dark, out of conscious decision territory. And there is a certain kind of aura to such a person, I think. It’s an unusual confidence. It can also be terrifying, I think. Because such a person has no reason to avoid “touchy” subjects. That’s not to say that I don’t have empathy for the other mom’s discomfort. But when we’re strangers, it’s clear to me that the silent woman is not as open, not as honest, and not as curious.
However, most of the women were not silent or even particularly quiet. They for the most part seemed happy and expressive. It was really quite nice. And most of them seemed to come from quite a lot more affluent homes. Which is actually positive feedback, for me. I might be a lot poorer in the finance department. But the fact that we make our lives work with the quality of parenting, ideas, food, services, etc with far less resources than those women have is a testiment to our enginuity.
AND I think I am only slightly more lonely than the average stay at home home, lol! Since these ladies mostly had less time into it than me, and only 1 kid each. So far at least.