Why I haven't been here in The Big, Blue House, year one.

Well my computer is on the 3rd floor. And my bedroom is on the 2nd floor. And I haven’t been playing Guild Wars 2 in a couple weeks, which had been my primary purpose for coming up here. So yeah.

In the rest of the house I use my tablet, which is great, but not so easy for typing on at length.

Menopause is kicking my ass. Migraines blow.

And I’m trying to dedicate more time to art, which is hard when you’re rarely wide awake because of lack of sleep or brain fog when you’re conscious. So I spend altogether too much time browsing Reddit and annoying people, or watching disaster documentaries with Don.

The days bleed together in a haze of lost time as I slip inexorably closer to death. Or that’s what it feels like. I have less and less time left to accomplish anything, and less and less ability to do anything with the time that I have.

I keep telling myself that’s not so, that I can work despite being foggy and sore and groggy, but everything takes longer when you’re not really awake, and simple housework and morning coffee has been taking three hours. Then I watch dumb videos with Don for two hours. Then I work on my art as best I can for an hour. Then I take a nap for an hour and half. Then I cook something and eat, and that takes an hour, peeling my potatoes or cutting my eggplant or whatever. Then I do some online shopping for a couple hours. Then it’s time to give the cats their second meal, then it’s time for bed.

I hate it more than my limited ability to articulate can easy convey.

Thank you so much to anyone who manages to read this. At this point your patience deserves a congressional medal.