2022 in Journal

Was the first year that I have made no contact with my parents.
I find myself imagining conversations with people who might ask about it. No one ever does.

The last request I made to my parents was to please not attend DHs mother’s funeral. That was back in November 2021. At the time I felt that their presence would prevent me from being present and available to DH. I was right. Of course they did not honor my request. They didn’t even keep their explicit promises to stay in the back, and to not attend the burial, or to refrain from approaching me. They failed to inform me of their plans to do the opposite of what I requested. They also made specific promises of their own volition that they either planned to break or broke spur of the moment. One after the other.
I feel the need to explain my reasons. I feel that someone in my life should be interested. I mean, someone from my past. My chosen friends and relationships are interested, so I don’t have a deficit of caring people. No, but I do have a deficit of unchosen people and relationships who had power and authority over me who care about how their decisions panned out for me.

And, I have the urge to talk about DHs dad. And I do believe this is why no one currently or in the past has asked about me and my parents. It opens the door for the topic of DH and his parents. Because the sins of our parents are not so different. And the people who aren’t asking me had authority throughout DHs life. They could have said something. They could have done something. They are aware and they were aware, which is why they avoid incriminating themselves. People walk around a trap they know is there. People fall in if they genuinely have no idea the trap is there.
And when they themselves are guilty of the same sins against their own children, they helped to dig that trap hole and camouflage it. They are intimately familiar with that exact pit.

Aunt B is one such a person. Her daughter is actually my gradeschool friend. She’s personally been there for both DH(her daughter’s cousin, her nephew) and I’s childhood to varying degree. And aunt B has expressed her personal challenge of dealing with 3 sisters who have attacked and abused her verbally over the last few years. Now, I am genuinely curious about that. I want to know what level of sympathy she has for herself in that situation. I want to know what level of responsibility she places on them for their aggressive abuse.
And, I wonder if it’s possible for her to consider the level of aggressive abuse that she engaged in against her daughter, against her son, and that of her brother against her nephew, and that of my parents against me, the friend of her daughter.