Your Design in Every day scata

1/7/23
11:04 am

Having two absolutely useless hands is so fucking FRUSTRATING!! I try so hard to keep the damn braces on at night but eventually I get too hot with them on, and/or the braces make the pain worse.

My left hand has been so swollen, especially when I wake up, I can’t hold anything, even my toothbrush. Can’t grasp. Takes both hands to do anything first thing in the morning.

Yes, I have compression gloves, but those hurt, too. I can feel every stitch and ridge, and for some reason my system glitches and I can’t type with them on. That tiny bit of fabric between my finger and the keys is just enough for my brain to say “I HAVE LOST ALLLLLLL SENSATION IN MY FINGERTIPS! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!”

I’m going to the doctors this coming week for my nose issue (have no idea what the root cause of the crazy itching and sneezing is), and to talk about a maybe med change seeing that my mind has decided to go down into its hole and not making any effort to climb back out. I guess I’ll see if I can get a cortisone shot in my left arm this time around. The only real solution is surgery on both of them, but fuck me. I can’t even afford my fucking meds and food on the same week, so surgery on anything is out of the question.

The reason for the “maybe” change in my meds is due to that fact that rec. use of cannabis passed last year, but obviously it’s just the first week of ‘23, so no clue when it will actually take effect. The NP said she saw it was going to start by the first half of Feb. I don’t want to fuck around with the dosage of my psych meds if I don’t have to. I know cannabis helps me with almost everything in life, so if I can start taking edibles, both my mental and physical health will chill the fuck out. Then a hopeful weaning off of at least one of my psych meds (not asking for miracles, yet), and see what happens with that.

I better put the damn gloves back on.

See ya.