Drowning in Torridaussity Two

The death of my grandmother has released the damn of everything that I have been holding in. I feel like I am drowning and I can't rescue myself, but the ironic thing is I am the only one who can save myself. When a life changing loss happens it can really show you, who really cares like they say they do and what I am referring to is of course the men in my life. One of them really pulled through and of course he is the one I have always wanted, but who hasn't crossed any lines nor has ever been interested in me in that way, he is one of my best friends. He lives in Germany and well I have always liked him, but he is once again with someone, but he immediately set up a time to skype with me to make sure I was ok. At least I know our friendship is solid. Boy 2 also stepped up for a little, but then as always fizzled. Boy 3 has shown that although he says he loves me as a friend and a little bit more expressed his concern after I told him what happened and I have not heard from him since. If you love someone wouldn't you check in on them to make sure they are ok? I would think so. Boy four (yes there are 4) He is the one who wanted to see if maybe there would be more, but I think we both know we aren't compatible in that way. He has expressed his concern and checked in once. What I need to do it cut some of this out of my life and stop myself from drowning. I need to only have positive honest people in my life. I am burdened financially right now because of the cut in hours and that is weighing on me right now as well. Also my mom is waiting to hear back as to whether the polyp they removed during her colonoscopy is cancerous or not. My father normally the rock in the family is taking the death of his mother very hard which of course is normal, but it scares me to see him like this. All these things are swirling around in my head mixed with the intense grief of losing my grandmother and I just can't sleep and I am working 30 hours in three days to be done in time for the funeral on Thursday. We are having family only at the funeral home and for the burial and then on Saturday a public memorial service at grandma's church. I am done purging my mind for now, maybe this will help me sleep, I hope so. I am exhausted. I have a long day working 8-8 with some small breaks in between. Hope you're all well, thanks to all of you who have expressed your concern for my family and I.