I'm exhausted in Age 35

I am in a rut. Same thing day after day. Routine that doesn’t change, and when it does its nothing significant. Although that can be a blessing actually. I just don’t know how to feel. I want to get rid of the dogs. I could potentially be a pet person, but after having dogs for 10 years, I can honestly same I am not fit to be a ‘fur parent.’ I hate their shedding. I hate cleaning up after their crap. I don’t want to groom them, nor do I want to pay for them to get groomed. My house smells, especially now that our older dog is incontinent. There is fur everywhere. I cannot wear one single thing without fur getting on it. I would like some fur free clothes.

Why don’t you get rid of them? Well cuz my husband wants them. I try to respect his decision, but I have to admit that it is tearing away at me a little every day that I have to put up with them. I just don’t find joy in pets. I am sorry. They are for me what children are to other people: they’re cute to look at, you might even pet them, but at the end of the day you want them to go away.

My god the house chores. I have two little ones ages 5 and 2. Plus my husband and myself. I cannot believe the amount of laundry that comes from it. I am sick of doing the laundry and folding and putting away. I get no help from them there because they are too small.

I need new furniture. I am house poor. I live paycheck to paycheck though we have everything that we need. My husband and I make exactly what we need to provide for our family and not starve. However I cannot save for shit. There is nothing left to save. I have less than 500 dollars a month to spend on myself and what I would like that includes a movie if I want one, a restaurant, a coffee, clothes, bras, underwear, shoes....anything miscellaneous that I may need that is not food or utilities or gas comes from those 500 dollars. That includes clothes for my kids, shoes, etc. So as you can see I don’t have much left over.

My health. This might be TMI but I have been fighting off a yeast infection for the better part of about 8 months. I am on suppressive therapy for it. And the motherfucker still hasn’t gone away. I want to be able to live without thinking about what my body is going through and the fact that it affects my intimate life with my husband is the cherry on top of the cake!

We had a very active and harmonious sex life. I love making love to my husband. But now my vagina is keeping away the one thing that was keeping us both happy. I feel undesirable, ashamed, frustrated. So you can imagine what that does to my self esteem.

Overall I just hate having all this in my head. I hate being in my own head most of the time. I feel so stressed and anxious thinking about all these things at once. I want to pause and breathe and just be in the moment. Feel the breeze on my face and smell clean air. I want my anxious and overactive mind to metaphorically toke up and chill. Sans munchies.

I used to be a glass half full kinda person. I feel myself slipping into that glass half empty side. I don’t want to think that way.