Hell froze over. in Since OD is shutting down....

I went to my interview this morning. By the grace of God, my Mom actually showed up to sit with my kid so I didn’t have to bring her along. The interview was about 40 minutes and I felt like they liked some of my answers but really couldn’t read them as to gauge if I’ll get offered a job or not. I left there thinking I probably do better in interviews with places that are toxic and full of chaos because I was at a job for 7 years and I knew right away in the interview I was going to get hired. I am wondering if maybe I need to find another toxic place because that’s where I KNOW I’ll be accepted.

Once I got home, I decided for shits and gigs to check the CS website and low and behold, I finally got a payment! It’s been 19 months! I guess when his little chicky messaged me there was some actual truth to her saying they are taking CS out but she worded it as they were already doing it which they weren’t because otherwise I would have seen 2 payments by now. I’m sure he’s fuming because he doesn’t think he should ever pay a fucking dime! I also wonder if he’s going to stay at his job because he’s never been great at working consistently so there’s no guessing if I’ll see another payment and if I do, it’s hard to gauge how long he’ll plan to work this time. There’s so many different variables in this because if his little girlfriend got fed up and ditched him, he may not care to keep working because then there’s no one to impress by having a job/paying CS. I’m sure he’s just fuming they took money especially with it being New Years because he likes to go out to the bars and get drunk.

My daughter has been asking to see and talk to her cousin. I guess we are supposed to arrange a phone call later so we’ll see how that goes.

I start my job program on Tuesday morning so I’ll get my daughter ready and drop her off at school, grab a quick breakfast and head over to do all that. I guess it’s to tackle the barriers I have as a single Mom trying to get and keep a job dealing with childcare and money issues, and all that. I guess they help with full tanks of gas and different things and you can leave to attend appointments and interviews so that’s good to know. I’m sad that the lunch break is only 30 minutes so I really wouldn’t have time to get food at a drive through so I’ll need to take food with me which isn’t the easiest thing and it sucks to pack around food but I’m not about to blow money on fast food everyday either so I’ll find lunch stuff and pack something everyday.

I’m kinda nervous because I wonder who all will be there but everyone is there for the same reasons so it’s whatever and the sooner I find a job, I won’t have to be there at all. I just want to be working or figuring out going back to school maybe or learning a trade of some sort. Sitting around doing nothing isn’t going to do for me anymore. It’s depressing and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. The past 3 weeks has really made me think differently and I’m ready to start living again. I’m definitely grateful for having this extra time with my daughter and watching her open Christmas gifts and be able to just veg out at home but the past month has been hard because we both got sick and then we were snowed in for several days and then the past almost 2 weeks of the holiday break from school. I think it’s been good but definitely hard on both of us because she’s used to being at school and I’m ready to start doing something.

It’s going to be nice having something to do while my daughter is in school. At first it was just so nice to drop her off at school and then come home, make breakfast, drink coffee, take a shower but then after that I was sitting here by myself all day long until it was time to pick up her up. I just can’t stand how lonely I am and I also want to start thinking about getting a new car and moving, even if we end up staying here.

It’s just going to be nice to finally be doing something. I have told everyone around me that I can’t just sit in my house anymore. I’m someone who likes to be busy and sitting around isn’t my idea of a good time. I’m grateful to have a car and be able to get around. I got the oil changed yesterday and have plenty of gas. I am just so ready to get my life going again. I see people with way worse problems then what I have and I know how hard things have been for me but I could only imagine what it would be like if I had more than one kid, didn’t have a car, and it’s like where do you even start? I know I would definitely more proactive than a lot of people here though. A lot of these single Mom’s don’t seem to have much drive to change their situation because they say how ‘hard’ it is to haul their kids around and it’s like they enjoy having the excuse that they don’t have a babysitter.

It’s like the girl on Facebook yesterday seemed pretty lazy in my opinion. It’s sad that most people here would rather beg for food, diapers, and money then start doing the leg work to make this shit happen for themselves. They want to sit on the couch and complain then get up and start doing something about their problems. I also question of their situation is as bad as they make it seem or they are just saying it’s really bad so people will help them. I know after watching my kid’s Dad lie out of his ass on that page, I don’t trust a fucking word out of anyone’s mouth! I just couldn’t sit around with 2 children, both in diapers and wait for other people to help me. I hauled around my daughter by myself and still have a slipped vertebrae in my back and stress fractures in my spine and I would do it all over again if I had to.

We are the Mom’s and it’s our job to make sure our children are taken care of by any means necessary. It absolutely ridiculous that the Mom’s have to do it all and be responsible for everything because it’s draining but unfortunately we just have to figure out and make the sacrifice every single day. There’s just no fucking way I’d be sitting on my ass with 2 kids not doing a fucking thing!! I understand that you try and try and try but you can’t stop trying because you have kids depending on you.

So the kids talked. My niece told my kid about tomorrow night ‘don’t get your hopes up’ and that just royally pisses me off. It’s like a fun little game for those people to know my daughter and I have virtually no social life and it’s fun to withhold themselves or something.