Christmas Day. in Since OD is shutting down....

My Gramma died yesterday. I’m doing pretty well at holding it together but it would be nice to be alone so I can let out a really good cry. I can say I’m handling it a lot better than I thought I would but I still can’t believe she’s gone. Gramma was truly the most incredible person and I’m sad that my daughter is growing up not knowing her. I am just so broken and this is going to be heartache that don’t quit. Everyone says they’re glad she’s not in pain anymore and she’s in a better place but that don’t mean the pain doesn’t go away. I’d rather have her here with us, with a sound mind but God wanted her and took her on Christmas.

My parents came over yesterday and brought gifts for my daughter and gave me a card with $40 in it. I told them I felt bad because I didn’t get gifts for anyone because I didn’t think anyone was going to be around. My daughter opened all of her presents and I forgot to record her but I do have pictures of her sitting with her gifts. She got a lot of really nice things and I’m honestly glad to have the mess cleaned up. My brother got stuff for her too and apparently told my Mom that BD was going to drop off presents with him for my kid but I let my Mom know that I won’t be accepting anything.

He’s created enough problems and I don’t want him to have anything over me. Until he’s ready to get a fucking job, pay child support and get a court order, I won’t be going down this same rabbit hole anymore. I just wish my brother would respect me enough to quit talking to the guy because there’s less chance of this ever getting better as long as someone keeps giving him access to me and my child. By giving him access, that means there’s no reason for him to ever be an actual Dad or pay fucking child support because I keep getting sucked into accepting the bare ass minimum!