My hearing is better in Since OD is shutting down....

I have been plugging my nose and blowing air out of my mouth and my hearing is almost all better at this point. I can’t even explain how different I feel being able to hear out of both ears. I’m so glad to not be sick anymore and I hope I don’t get sick again this winter. The weather here still sucks, the temp is still well below zero and even though they’ve closed down interstate, people are still driving on it getting stuck and they are going out to rescue them. They are also issuing tickets because people aren’t understanding that there is no travel advised which means stay your ass at home! We all know that we are going to have to hunker down and just wait for the weather to get better and be able to move around.

There’s a page here on Facebook to help people when/if they need it but everyone just abuses it. Just this evening some chick posted needing butter and ice cream. Another lady offered to meet her at the store to get it for her where she was met with the typical ‘my car is broke down’ story and then it just went downhill from there and then the post was removed. I also think it’s bullshit that there’s been 3 toy drives here just in the past week and everyone acts like they didn’t see them being blasted all over social media 2 months ago when it was time to sign your kids up for them! So now everyone is on there begging for Christmas presents for their children where people are offering toys that are dirty, broken, and missing pieces because they are too lazy to throw the shit away!!! I just think that you should make your kids more of a priority and take the extra 2 minutes out of your fucking day to sign them up for gifts! Oh, and probably plan to actually spend money out of your own pocket because Christmas comes the same time every fucking year!

I got a text from my Mom on Tuesday asking if I was going to need a sitter for yesterday and to which I replied, “IDK” and left it at that. I wasn’t about to get geared up to think I’m going to have a babysitter and then she of course doesn’t show up and then acts confused when I get angry and lose my shit. I honestly feel that it was so much easier to just take my daughter with me and get back home before the weather got super scary. It was starting to snow and get pretty windy before we left home so I wanted to get home as quickly as possible. I’m sure my Mom was confused that I wasn’t begging for a sitter like I’ve done because I absolutely refuse to waste my time doing that anymore.

So, next Friday I have a job interview and I hope and pray I get it. I am so ready to get back to work and start having a routine and be getting out of the house. I’ll also be able to take my daughter with me when needed and that’s a huge selling point for me. I still have plenty of ‘homework’ I need to get done and the sooner I do it, the sooner I’ll get approved. I have a week but I’d like to get it done by Tuesday morning when the government offices open back up. I also just want to get it over with and not have to worry about it anymore.

I am just so ready to start doing productive things and working towards my goals. It would be awesome if I had support here but I don’t and I just have to be my own best friend. There is help and I’m going to take it. I want to get a job and start working on moving. I have a lot of things I want to do with my life and one of them is to move out of my hometown. I want to start over somewhere new where I have a clean slate and I feel like my confidence would shoot through the roof. I also want to live in a better neighborhood where I would feel safe to take my daughter for a walk around the block and not worry about getting jumped.

I also realized something else too. I have spent a lot of time trying to fix things there are meant to be broken. Like with my family and my kid’s Dad. If things are broken, leave them that way. I have hurt myself and my daughter trying to mend everything with everyone for years and I have enough on my plate to work on and I can’t devote any more energy trying to deal with these people. I also think it’s bullshit that everything is fine with my Mom and my brother until I mention needing a sitter and then everything just goes on tilt. I don’t understand why the fuck it has to be this way but I’m just going to do what I need to do and not worry about their help or their involvement with my child. They CHOOSE to be absent and that’s on them!!