Dream Time Drama in Thirty-Eight

So my dreams have always been very vivid. Lately with taking the muscle relaxer at night again, they have been even more vivid. The few I’ve had over the last few weeks have been intense, lots of wartime, gunshots, explosions and needing to get out or take shelter. Very conflicted and aggressive dreams.

I started therapy yesterday for the first time in my life. We had a very good session and I talked about a lot of things that I haven’t been able to talk about openly because they involve people who would either get mad or hurt that I feel that way.

Well last night’s dream was a bit different. It started out as me going to this very large and expensive air bnb where a bunch of people I knew were going to be staying. The only person I actually knew there was Cody though. There were groups of us building random things in the different rooms of this house and just doing various activities. I haven’t seen or heard from Cody in like 10 years now. But he kept trying to get me alone in a room for sex and I wasn’t having it so I finally left and went to my high school reunion across the road.

Now our actual plan for our reunion involves a earlier trip to Vegas so this panned out in my head. I rarely dream about Randy, because we spend every waking hour together, so he wasn’t there. I looked for someone to go to my reunion with online and some random dude took me. He was rich and dressed nice and so we went in through the VIP section. I never saw him again after that

After a while I started wandering around trying to see people I actually graduated with. There were thousands of people there which is crazy because my graduating class was only 95. But the place was PACKED. There were bars and buffet tables, a huge dance floor and a stage with a band.

Most of the people I saw weren’t people I knew. I could see half faces and other times I couldn’t make anyone’s face out.

I had been walking around and I saw my mom and dad so I went over to their table. My brothers were there too. So I sat down and we were eating some steak and baked potato with salad and wine.

Well all of a sudden I look up to respond to something my mom said, and standing behind her looking around, there’s Jeremy.

If you don’t know who Jeremy is, he was a fling I had right before I left Denver in 2004. We’ve stayed in contact ever since. He was one of the ones I always thought I’d end up with but something was always in the way. Now he went off and got married and had kids got a divorce and now he’s married again with a young child. Obviously I’m married now too to Randy. But like I said I very rarely dream about Randy.

Anyway. So we saw each other and I went over to talk to him. I was like what the heck are you doing here this is my high school reunion. He’s like oh yeah some of my friends invited me, I lost my job recently because I wouldn’t cut my beard so I had some time off. I went and sat back down and that was it. Then throughout the course of the dream I lost him somewhere and didn’t think much about it. So there was dancing and food and friends and family etc. It was a genuinely good and fun dream. Lots of noise and music and whatnot.

Well my mom decided it was time for us to go because people were starting to leave and it was late. So I decided to go to the other part of the venue we were at to look for Jeremy so I could say bye.

I had to go out and across a courtyard. There were dogs everywhere and people playing mini golf and stuff like that.

I got there and he was at the bar, but also like 7 feet tall. So I was like I’m leaving and I wanted to say bye to you. Well at that point my brother A came looking for me and I was like I’m here just telling people bye. Then Wallace Shawn (Inconceivable!) walked by and my brother was like LETS GO!

I told Jeremy I was leaving and grabbed his hand and started walking out the door so he could like walk with me until I got to the elevator. Well we kinda got separated because there were so many freaking people there. He ended up back in the main part of the party and this girl I don’t really know but know who she is grabbed Jeremy and was hugging on him. So I waited around until she let him go.

Well she gave me this horrible stink eye like I had stolen him from her but I was literally just standing there.

At that point Jeremy turned away from her and grabbed me and pulled me into his chest. It was the most comforting, reassuring and very much needed hug that I have ever felt in a dream. Yes felt. I felt every inch of his arms around me, every part of his body against mine. I kind of just relaxed and held him back.

No kissing or anything intimate, here just held me.

We ended up standing there forever just hugging and talking and all that good stuff. And I was like I really have to go, my family is waiting for me. And at that point my brother came back looking for me and saw me hugging Jeremy. He mentioned that we had to go and just kind of nodded my way like ok I get it and walked off again.

Well I knew my mom was waiting so I was like my ride is leaving, I have to go. I usually have a hard time making out clear faces and stuff but he was vividly present there. His deep blue eyes, his mouth, his whole face, his leather jacket, his arms, everything. Like I said, I felt that hug with my whole body and it was full of so much comfort I didn’t want to let go.

So he then asked me “can you maybe stay here instead?” And I just told him how am I going to get home? He didn’t have an answer for that and started looking at his phone for something so I just left. My mom was coming back to get me so the 5 of us (mom, dad, me and brothers) headed to the elevator.

I always have something happen with the elevators in my dreams so this wasn’t any different. We got on and punched the floor to the garage but the elevator never made it to the floor and started malfunctioning. So we got off on our original floor and my mom talked to someone about the elevator.

I started walking back towards the ballroom and went in through a door I wasn’t supposed to and everyone was gone from the ballroom and everything was already cleared out. It was just an empty dance floor.

The hotel guy told us just to take another elevator, so while we were waiting for another one to come, I just kept looking back to see if Jeremy was there.

There was still thousands of people around me and I just kept scanning the crowd. Several times I wanted to run back to where he was but I knew he wouldn’t be there anymore.

I never saw him again and the 2nd elevator that came did the same exact thing and that’s when I woke up.

I literally had a horrendous stomach ache when I woke up like such a horrible let down. But at the same time I felt good about it. Like I knew something was wrong about the whole situation but it was comforting to me so it was good.

I have a lot of feelings about it but yeah I think I’m going to leave it there.