never[sleepatallever]more said the raven in --

It seems like Cannon's sleep patterns are just getting worse and worse, and trying to fix it hopeless. We had to get up at 11 today after him going to bed at 4am to get to a birthday party, and it went okay. He got to eat a cupcake.

He slept on the way home (an hour's drive). He woke up at about 4pm. I thought for sure tonight would go much better. He put himself to sleep at 8.30pm and I was nervous about it because that's really early for him, even when his schedule is better.... and I was right to be nervous, because he woke up at 12.30am. It's after 2am and there is no end in sight.

I hate this. He's always done this, and I really am not sure what to do. I never ask the doctor about it because I just forget. It's part of our lives, but it triggers my depression, and I don't want to be a depressed mom. My kids deserve better than that. I deserve better than that.

The only reason I'm fine lately is because Jacob is home, but when he goes back to work the first week of August, I don't know what I will do. I will also have a newborn too, who may or may not sleep. I just. really need sleep.

I don't remember the last time we got a full nights' sleep because of this horrible sleep pattern Cannon has going on.

And I can't nap during the day. My body will not let me, so that's annoying. I also wake up a lot at night, because pregnant.

So... yeah.

I am also frustrated because I keep seeing spiders everywhere in our house and I fucking hate spiders. They are also all over Cannon's slide toy outside that he climbs all over and I don't want them near my kid.

And mice. We have caught a ton of mice lately and I'm grossed out by it and really annoyed. But there are no evidence of mice anywhere in the house... no droppings and things like that. So we aren't sure where they are coming from or what is going on with that.

I found out that I passed everything on the other test I took that I needed to be a certified teacher in Missouri, at least. Even the math part. I am so, so glad that I do not have to retake anything. I live in Kansas, but my university is in Missouri, which is why I had to take that test.

Jacob wants to start saving for a house, but I don't see how we can manage that when I'm not working yet, and won't be for awhile. I guess we will see how that goes. The area we want to buy a house at has reasonably priced, beautiful houses. They are reasonably priced because it's next to a spotty area, but Kansas City is weird like that. One street will be $500,000 houses, and two streets down is $100,000.