Is it Love or nostalgia? in Each Day

I saw Janeane again last night.
We’d had plans to go for a walk Monday night but Mom whisked me away to my hometown for a night (she Needed A Break) , where I got to see The Odd Couple. It was lovely but brief.
After driving back to Hamilton, with a stop at a yarn store I’ve been coveting for years, we hung out with my sister, repotting her plants.
At the end of the evening, I drove back to my aunts, bundled up for the cold, and started walking toward Dundurn and Main. I called M on the walk, and we talked about the fact that Janeane lives on the same street he used to live on. Same block, even.
Just as we were wrapping up our conversation, I caught sight of Janeane.
We wandered through the neighbourhood, smoking a joint (and me shamefully hacking my guts out), and talking. We talked about Hamilton, nostalgia, the weird coincidences of life… All kinds of things.
Before our dinner the other night and before meeting up with Janeane last night I got the same giddy feeling of seeing a crush. But there’s something deeper and lasting below it. It’s a very similar feeling to what I felt when Bastet suddenly reappeared in our lives in 2012. Joy, anticipation, not a small amount of lust, tenderness, and that deep comfort of Love. Janeane and I never broke up, we just… Went our separate ways. And even after 17 years, the deep abiding affection I feel for her remains.
We go for years without talking, but when we’re together it’s like no time has passed at all.

Maybe my terrible interoception keeps tricking me into believing I am in love with all of these people of my past. Or maybe I simply do Love them. How am I to know the mysteries of my own heart…