Block it out. in Since OD is shutting down....

I talked to my friend this morning about my BD and that was her advice. I also think I need to free myself of this by never contacting him again because every time I do, we just go down that same dead end road. I am so angry that this shit has forever changed me and also brought out the absolute worst in me. I’m grateful to be in a good place because I never thought I’d be where I’m at now but it’s just crazy how much time and tears it took.

With Christmas coming, I’m planning what we are going to do for the 2 weeks we don’t have school. I know I want to take her and look at Christmas lights around town and there’s a special place I plan on taking her for hot cocoa and they have a little train ride. I’m hoping there won’t be a lot of down time and her being bored. It’s hard to keep a kid entertained when you don’t have a lot of money and a social life is pretty non-existent. I’m going to do my best though.

It’s going to be a hefty bill to fix my car but I’d rather fix it and know it’s reliable again so whether I keep it or sell it, it’s back to being a great car. I am so annoyed at paying for insurance because it doesn’t get driven much but I’ll get it back and probably drive it for a couple of months and then plan to sell it. There’s a lot of sentimental value with this car and even thinking about selling it makes me really emotional but I know that someday it’s going to require a lot of money to keep it going and I’m not really willing to keep dumping money into it.

I was with my parents this morning and I was talking about my Mom watching my kid so that I can get her Christmas gifts where my kid made sure to include himself. I’m going to make it to where he’s not going to be around my kid but involved by driving me where I gotta go and then coming inside with me where my Mom stays in the car with my kid. I know he works really hard and being steps ahead of me at all times, but I know this game all too well.

Tomorrow is her Christmas program and it’s right away in the morning so I’m probably not going to be able to get my Mom to come with but I’m not super worried about anyone being there that I wouldn’t be comfortable around. I’d like my Mom to come because my kid just loves her but if she doesn’t then oh well. I’m just sick of it being like pulling teeth to get her to do anything. My parents are just fucking ridiculous. My Dad also said his last day at work is Christmas so I’m pretty irritated by that because my Mom barely gets any kind of break from him as it is and I don’t understand why it’s so hard for him to literally work like 2 days a week and pull in some extra money!