Nowhere in Journal

Where you goin?
Yes we’re going nowhere at all for Christmas! We went nowhere for Thanksgiving either and it was glorious. We had a few friends over, and then DHs grandma and aunt stopped by last week, and that was it. I can’t wait to do nothing at all for historically the biggest holiday for us.
Its been since 2020 that I spent any holiday with my parents. We went to DHs tho. But not last year. Last year, MIL passed the day after Thanksgiving.
Our friends are becoming more family than family. It is starting to become evident to DH what a quality relationship is, and by extension a quality person. The contrast between having our friends over and the easy but meaningful discourse we had, and the strained silence of his family. The careful avoidance of anything uncomfortable. The alarm on their faces at genuine expression of emotion or honesty. Man, when I even mentioned how difficult my experience was with W as a baby, it was dead silent, and then quickly the topic changed.
And I thought - wow! Just the other day I spoke with my best friend K about her anxieties about having another baby (she’s pregnant now) and she mentioned having to repeat what they went through with their first. And I was like, tell me more? No weird silence or hesitation or topic change.
I think that if people are reluctant to talk about something, it’s because they’re uncomfortable. For whatever reason; it’s just an emotional hang up. Yet, even those people who claim to love us, or DH anyways, aren’t willing to endure any level of discomfort in order to demonstrate their love. While people who aren’t even related to us are far more willing to demonstrate love.
As someone who values honesty and connection, whatever it is these relatives are willing to provide means nothing if it isn’t honest. In fact it’s sort of a negative since they’re taking away precious time resources and opportunities to get honesty and connection.